Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011

 Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011

Hey there folks, welcome back to Gabingston’s Pop Reviews, and in this post, it’s time to take a look at the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011. Now, 2011 has gained a pretty good reputation among the music reviewers on YouTube, and I think that’s well earned. While I would give the slight edge to 2012 due to that year having more great music, 2011 wasn’t all that far off. There really wasn’t a lot of bad music this year, and even my #1 isn’t really terrible, and wouldn’t be my #1 in most other years. Overall, the 91 songs that debuted on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 for 2011 scored a 302/455, or a 66.4/100. I think it’s time to get right into the not so good side of this otherwise solid year, starting with the Dishonorable Mentions!

Dishonorable Mention: Look At Me Now by Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes (Peak: #6, Year-End: #21)

For the first of our five Dishonorable Mentions, we have one of Chris Brown’s biggest post-incident hits. In this song, Chris Brown raps about how cool he is and about his own penis, including inviting us listeners to say “hi” to said dick. Lil Wayne’s verse is a mix of clever lines and embarrassing misfires, which is kinda what I’d expect from him. What saves the song from being on the list proper, however, is Busta Rhymes’ contribution, where he spits fire at machine gun speed and proves my thesis from my 1998 lists that he is a really good rapper. Overall, it’s a song with some positive qualities that is weighed down by some very big flaws, and outside of Busta giving Eminem a run for his money, I don’t have much of a use for this song.

Dishonorable Mention: The Time (Dirty Bit) by The Black Eyed Peas (Peak: #4, Year-End: #37)

Man, this has aged badly. Sampling from the 1987 hit (I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life, The Peas turn it into an cliché-ridden club boom relic that has aged about as well as milk left out in the Sahara. If I want to listen to a Black Eyed Peas hit from this era, I’ll stick with I Gotta Feeling, thank you.

Dishonorable Mention: No Hands by Waka Flocka Flame ft. Roscoe Dash and Wale (Peak: #13, Year-End: #45)

I am almost impressed by how stupid this song is. The hook in particular is astonishingly dumb. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it wasn’t kinda fun, though, but it’s still an absolutely boneheaded song.

Dishonorable Mention: Lighters by Bad Meets Evil ft. Bruno Mars (Peak: #4, Year-End: #34)

Speaking of Eminem, he collaborates with Royce Da 5’9” under the name Bad Meets Evil and scored a Top 5 hit, featuring a hook from Bruno Mars. The wistful tone of the instrumental and Bruno’s hook doesn’t at all match up with Eminem’s signature angry tone (and penis-related plays on words) and Royce commenting on his self-starting car and on LeBron James’ jersey circa 2031. While I could’ve seen this song being something good, it couldn’t capitalize on it’s positive qualities and is left as an underwhelming waste of potential.

Dishonorable Mention: Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) by Pitbull ft. T-Pain (Peak: #7, Year-End: #39)

The last cut from the list proper, Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) is your typical Early 2010s club song, but with Pitbull creepily whispering “ooh baby baby” in your ear. Yeah, I think I’ll pass. Alright, onto the list proper.

#10: Down On Me by Jeremih ft. 50 Cent (Peak: #4, Year-End: #22)

To kick off the list proper, we’ve got Jeremih with his Top 5 hit Down On Me, featuring 50 Cent. While I wouldn’t quite go as far as to call it “bad”, it is a very forgettable song that isn’t noteworthy in any way.

To begin, it’s lyrical content isn’t any different from any number of Late 2000s-Early 2010s club hits. It’s about Jeremih and 50 going to a club and watching a woman dancing in a suggestive manner, wanting to get into her pants. It’s the same theme as many other hits from this era, and there’s nothing distinctive about it. The beat isn’t anything exciting or memorable, it’s downbeat and dark. Jeremih is heavily autotuned and uninteresting, and 50 Cent is nothing special. It’s a generic club song that has nothing that sets it apart from any other sleazy club jam, and now that I’m done talking about it, I’ve got no reason to ever return to it.

#9: On The Floor by Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull (Peak: #3, Year-End: #11)

I’m not sure how this pick will go over, considering that I haven’t really seen it on a lot of other Worst of 2011 lists. Heck, I’m kinda questioning whether it should make my list over some of the Dishonorable Mentions, but this is just how the list turned out, so I’m gonna roll with it. On The Floor by J-Lo and Pitbull is #9 on this list, and here’s why.

Before I get into criticizing this song, I feel like I should comment on what the song does right. The beginning of the song sets a kind of a kind of pleasant vibe with more subdued production that kind of reminds me of Lights by Ellie Goulding, plus the sax line from Stereo Love. The pre-chorus is much the same way, providing a brief reprieve from the reasons the song makes the list.

After the aforementioned intro, the song does a full 180 (crazy), going from subdued to abrasive in an instant. J-Lo’s tone is more like that of a drill sergeant than a DJ, ordering us at threat of punishment to get on the floor. Speaking of the title line, she repeats that line 34 times throughout the song (I counted), not quite My N***a level of repetition, but still at least two dozen times too many. Other than the inane repetition, the lyrics are your stock Club Boom cliches about partying, drinking and dancing, typical “tearing the club up” stuff. The chorus is better, but still just repeating the line “tonight we gon’ be it on the floor”. Pitbull is here, he’s being his typical doofy self. 

Overall, it’s a lot like We Run The Night by Havana Brown, being a song that has some elements that I like, but is weighed down by the parts I don’t like being really, really bad, both being produced by RedOne and both songs having Pitbull features. The most important similarity these two songs have, however, is that they both ended up at #9 on their respective years’ worst lists (2011 for this and 2012 for We Run The Night), and taking everything into consideration, I think #9 is about right for On The Floor. You know what, maybe I shouldn’t have questioned myself on this song’s ranking.

#8: Tonight (I’m F**king You) by Enrique Iglesias

I mean… the title really speaks for itself. Of course a song called “Tonight I’m F**king You” was going to make my worst list, and it’s probably surprising that it wasn’t higher than #8. The YouTube playlists that I was listening to all used the clean version, so I may have been a bit harsher had I been listening to the explicit version, but it’s still pretty bad. 

I’ll start with the production. As with the previous two entries, the composition generally fits into the club and electro-pop sound that dominated in the Late 2000s and Early 2010s. It’s for the most part alright, but the synths that play in the hook sound like squeaking boots. Neither is Enrique’s singing all that bad, although the autotune sticks out more than it should. Ludacris is doing his typical guest verse schtick from this time, and aside from a few corny lines, he’s alright here.

Alright, time to get to the real meat of this song, the lyrics. The entire premise of this song is Enrique, already known as a sex symbol (I mean, the Latin Lover stereotype does exist for a reason), notices a hot chick at a club, and wants to… um… get to know her, if you know what I mean.

“And here's the situation

Been to every nation

Nobody's ever made me feel the way that you do

You know my motivation

Given my reputation

Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude

But tonight I'm f**king you”

Imagine if you were a girl at a club and some dude came up to you and was like “excuse me, ma’am, I do not mean to be rude, but tonight, I’m going to have sex with you”. I for one would feel pretty creeped out and probably ask security to kick him out of the club, and I doubt many other people would feel different. Aside from the obvious flaw, there are lines like “If I had a type then baby it would be you” and “If I never lied then baby you'd be the truth”, both of which are blatantly contradictory. You know how I mentioned Ludacris having some corny lines earlier in this segment? Well, it’s really more one line, but boy is it ever corny:

“And I love the way

You Shake that ass

Turn around

And let me see them pants

Umm, I’m pretty sure that you can see pants from both the front and the back, Luda. I don’t know, maybe the pants are see-through in the front. Anyway, this is a song that is for the most part fine, but the lyrics definitely dragged this song down a few pegs, far enough to put this onto the list. Enrique, I’m glad you put out Bailando a few years later, this wouldn’t have deserved to be your last U.S. hit.

#7: S&M by Rihanna (Peak: #1, Year-End: #12)

Well, this wasn’t hard to see coming. I’ve stated in the past that I’m not a big fan of this song, and it’s no surprise that it ended up on my list. I’ve called Rihanna an inconsistent artist in the past, and this definitely falls on the bad end of the scale, albeit not as much as, say, Birthday Cake.

As is usual, I’ll begin with the production. It’s yet another club song, with a loud, buzzing synth line and other typical Early 2010s Pop staples. I used to hate the sound of the song a lot, and while it has softened on me, I’m still not the biggest fan. Granted, that may have to do with the other elements of the song, which I shall get to now.

Just from the title, it’s pretty clear what this song is about. Listen, I’m not well equipped to speak of more… mature subjects, so I'll have to tread carefully. Riri sings about her desires in the bedroom, so to say.

“'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it

Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But chains and whips excite me

Na na na come on, come on, come on

I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on…”

Once again, I am not the person that is best suited to talk about topics like this, and I apologize if I screwed up or went into any no-go zones. Todd In The Shadows called this the dirtiest #1 hit of all time before WAP, and while there are some other contenders (notably I Wanna F**k You and Candy Shop), this might just take the crown. Rihanna, I’m glad you’ve got a lot of good songs in your discography, because this isn't what I’d want you to be remembered for.

#6: You Make Me Feel by Cobra Starship ft. Sabi (Peak: #7, Year-End: #48)

Now that I’ve just gotten done talking about Tonight I’m F**king You and S&M, how about something a little more innocent? Granted, this isn’t exactly squeaky clean, but compared to the last two songs, it might as well be Kidz Bop. However, being relatively family-friendly does not make a song good.

When it comes to the composition, it continues the streak of club songs on the list, as it’s definitely of its time in that regard. Upbeat dance groove, bright synths, it’s got all the hallmarks of Early 2010s pop. Lyrically, it’s basically puppy love, just describing the feeling of infatuation, pretty inoffensive stuff. So, why is this on the list? That comes down to the two performers.

I’ll start with the main performer, the dude from Cobra Starship. Not only is he a completely forgettable presence behind the mic, but his voice is clearly and noticeably autotuned, which hasn’t aged well to say the least. Feature artist Sabi, while definitely pretty in the video, hits the sweet spot when it comes to irritating vocals. Her voice is kinda shouty and a bit obnoxious. She obviously wasn’t trying to be annoying, but that’s how it came across to me. I’ll bring up my Worst of 2012 list again and compare this song to Let’s Go by Calvin Harris ft. Ne-Yo, the #7 song on that list. Both songs are generic dance jams that are dragged down by annoying vocal performances and wound up in the low-mid section of my worst list for their respective years. I’m sure that the artists involved are decent people (and once again, Sabi is really pretty), but I’m sorry, this ain’t a good song.

#5: In The Dark by Dev (Peak: #11, Year-End: #83)

This is a song that seems to have been pretty much forgotten in the nearly 10 years since it came out, and I’ve got to say that this song’s lack of longevity is completely justified, because In The Dark by Dev is not a good song at all.

To begin, the song’s production (courtesy of The Cataracs, who also produced the awful Like A G6 from the previous year really hasn’t aged well. Sure, it has a sax line running throughout much of the song, but the rest of the song is this dark, heavy club sound that honestly creeps me out a bit (granted, that might be because I’m writing this around midnight, but my point still stands). It’s trying so hard to be seductive and sexy, but fails completely, which brings me to Dev herself.

Gaining popularity from doing the hook on the aforementioned Like A G6, Dev was briefly relevant between 2010 and 2011 before fading out of the spotlight, and for good reason. She really didn’t stand out or have a distinct personality, and not being a memorable personality does not bode well for one’s longevity in the world of popular music. She especially can’t sell the lyrics to this song, which I will get to starting right about now.

As with many pop songs, this is about sex. It’s trying to go for a sexy, seductive atmosphere, but aside from the production and Dev herself, the lyrics do not set the tone at all. Who thought that comparing sex to surgery was at all appealing? Even I, the least sexy person imaginable, knows that’s not a good metaphor. While there aren’t any more lyrics as baffling as that, none of the other lyrics really connect like they should, leaving this song feeling completely disposable. However, that’s not the last we’re gonna be seeing of Dev on this list, is it?

#4: Backseat by New Boyz ft. The Cataracs and Dev (Peak: #26, Year-End: #84)

Yeah, this isn’t a predictable pick for a Worst of 2011 list, is it? This has made most of the Worst of 2011 lists I’ve seen on YouTube and in text format, and for good reason, because this is one of the most hilariously bad songs I’ve ever heard in my life.

As per usual, I’ll first talk about the production. As with In The Dark and Like A G6, this is produced by The Cararacs, who are given a feature credit on the song. To put it lightly, this song has aged very, very badly. The buzzing synths and copious use of autotune dates the song instantly, and not in a good way (and that’s not to mention the high-pitched squeal that plays before the start of every verse). When it comes to the performers, Dev still has next to no personality, and as for the New Boyz… well…

These guys think they’re WAYYY cooler than they actually are. They think they’re the hottest s**t, but are more accurately described as two idiots trying way too hard to be cool. It doesn’t help that the lyrics are… oh boy, these lyrics are BAAAD. While they aren’t nearly as dickish as Tie Me Down (their other hit that landed at #5 on my Worst of 2010 list), this is still a terribly written song. Here are some of the highlights that show the poetic brilliance of this duo:

“She like my orange Camaro she said let's ride up and trick or treat.”

Comparing sex to trick-or-treating of all things, very clever.

“Like damn girl damn girl

You f**ksin' with the man girl”

I totally buy you being “the man”, buddy.

“Let's do like Fishburne dancin' and shake this spot quick.”

???

And, of course, the most famous (or rather infamous) line in the song…

“I heard you had a baby

Y O U  W A N T  A  N E W  B O Y  I N  Y O U?”

I… I don’t quite know what to say about that line. It’s almost in the realm of “so bad it’s good” in how awful it is. Not even a dad would come up with a punchline that stupid. He’s part of the New Boyz, he would be a new boy inside of her, and it implies that the baby this lady had was a boy, so he’s asking her if she wants to have another boy. It’s an almost impressively corny triple entendre (thank you to this song’s Genius page for laying it out), as well as a line that transcends the realm of terrible lyrics to come full circle into being secretly brilliant.

“I met a group of girls in a Escalade

They came with you and left with me.”

Ah, the “stealing your girl” trope. Spectrum Pulse would be proud.

So, yeah, this song is completely and obviously bad in the most facepalm-worthy way imaginable. However, for as stupid and tryhard as this song is, it’s not even in my bottom three. So, who could’ve claimed that spot?

#3: E.T. by Katy Perry ft. Kanye West (Peak: #1, Year-End: #4)

It’s no secret that Katy Perry completely and utterly dominated the Early 2010s with her Teenage Dream album, scoring a whopping five #1 hits off of the album (six if you count Part Of Me from the reissue), thus tying Michael Jackson’s record for most #1 hits off of an album (he got five #1’s off of Bad). While some of the #1 hits off of the album were good or even great (like California Gurls, the title track and a certain song that may or may not be appearing on my best list), she did have one massive misstep, that being E.T.

The sound of the Teenage Dream album was characterized by sunny, upbeat, bubblegum pop production, but that’s not case with E.T. The song’s sound is that of a loud, beeping synth line, pounding drum machines using the “boom boom clap” beat from We Will Rock You and a chorus that is an utter clusterf**k of sounds that are about as pleasant to listen to as a jackhammer. While the grating production is likely the biggest problem with the song, it’s far from the only one, which brings me to the lyrics.

Taking its title from the classic film that I still haven’t seen, E.T. is about Katy Perry having intercourse with either a foreigner or an alien, depending on whether you take the lyrics as metaphorical or literal. Katy describes how otherworldly and exotic this guy is, and her lyrics aren’t really all that bad, which brings me to Kanye’s lyrics. Kanye’s lyrics on this song are… interesting to say the least.

“I got a dirty mind

I got filthy ways

I'm tryna bathe my ape

In your Milky Way”

So, I’m guessing that the “ape” and “milky way” refers to their respective private parts, so that wasn't too hard to understand.

“They callin’ me an alien

a big-headed astronaut

Maybe it’s because

your boy yeezy get ass a lot.”

That line isn’t quite as stupid as the “I heard you had a baby” line in the last song, but it’s not too far off. Speaking of that, I’ll just put the entirety of Ye’s second verse up here.

“I know a bar out in Mars

Where they drivin’ spaceships instead of cars

Cop a Prada space suit about the stars

Getting stupid high straight up out the jars

Pockets on Shrek

Rockets on deck

Tell me what's next

Alien sex?

I’ma disrobe you

Then I’ma probe you

See I abducted you

So I tell you what to do.”

That’s a lot to unpack, and I’m tired of writing about this song, so I’ll just leave it at that. Between the grating production and bizarre lyrics, E.T. is one of the worst hit songs of 2011, as well as one of the worst #1 hits of the 2010s. I know that everyone involved can do better than this, but man was this a mistake.

#2: Pretty Girl Rock by Keri Hilson (Peak: #24, Year-End: #70)

Pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl rock. Pretty girl swing and pretty girl ring. 

Jokes aside, Pretty Girl Rock is one of the most annoying and insufferable songs I’ve ever heard. While it didn’t sound too bad in the small snippets I’d heard on some other Worst of 2011 lists, hearing the full song is a very, very different experience. 

I’ll be honest, the production is actually fine. There’s nothing wrong with the sound of the song, and I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t a little bit catchy. The same actually goes for Keri’s voice and melody, she’s a decent singer and the melody could’ve worked in a different song. There just happens to be one very, VERY big problem here: the lyrics.

This song is basically one giant ego trip. She’s sexy, and she knows it (that song narrowly missed the Dishonorable Mentions, BTW). Now, I will concede that Keri Hilson is indeed quite pretty, but that doesn’t make the song any better. To demonstrate how self-absorbed this song is, here are some of the lyrics:

“My name is Keri, I'm so very

Fly, oh my, it's a lil' bit scary”

Hmm, I think we knew who you were, Keri.

“Pretty as a picture, sweeter than a swisher

Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha”

Hey, don’t insult my girlfriend like that! I mean, I don’t have a girlfriend, but still, jerk move.

“All eyes on me when I walk in

No question that this girl's a ten

Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

My walk, my talk, the way I dress

It's not my fault so please don't trip

Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful”

Sure, I don’t hate you because you’re beautiful, I do so because you’re full of yourself.

“Girls think I'm conceited 'cause I know I'm attractive

Don't worry about what I think, why don't you ask him”

…

THEY’RE DAMN RIGHT YOU’RE CONCEITED! LISTEN TO THE REST OF THIS SONG! HOW LITTLE SELF AWARENESS DO YOU HAVE?!

“Get yourself together don't hate (never do it)

Jealousy's the ugliest trait (don't ever do it)”

What, I never said I was jealous, and it’s wrong of you to insinuate that, Keri.

Now, there is this bit in the final chorus where she starts singing that “you’re beautiful” in the background, doing the typical “you’re amazing just the way you are” thing that was huge in the early 2010s, but that doesn’t make the rest of the lyrical content a lot better. Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m questioning why Keri Hilson would ever write a song this arrogant and self-impressed, but I’m not. Not because the lyrics aren’t arrogant and self-impressed (Lord knows they are) but because Keri Hilson didn’t even write this. In fact, it wasn’t even a girl who wrote this. This was actually written in large part by Ne-Yo, and while he’s released some songs I like (Miss Independent is pretty good), boy was this not the right move. However, Keri decided to record and release it, so I’m not letting her off the hook either. 

Overall, Pretty Girl Rock is a wildly misconceived song with horribly self-indulgent lyrics that very nearly topped this list on that alone. However, it was just edged out by my #1, and I think it’s time we get started on that.

This may be an odd pick for #1. I really haven’t seen this song appear on a lot of Worst of 2011 lists, and yet from the first time I heard it a while back for a rankdown, I instantly hated it. While it doesn’t really have anything one element that is exceptionally bad, it’s got just enough of everything to claim the #1 spot. I don’t really have a whole lot more to say, so I might as well just drop all pretenses and say this: F**k it, I’m On One is #1. 

#1: I’m On One by DJ Khaled ft. Drake, Rick Ross and Lil Wayne (Peak: #10, Year-End: #47)

So, this is it. The Worst Hit Song of 2011. I know this isn’t one of the obvious picks, but I’ll try my best to explain why this song took the top spot. While this is nowhere near as bad as, say, Birthday Cake or Bodak Yellow, I still despise this song with every fiber of my being.

To begin, the production wears out its welcome in record time. The main feature of the composition is this glitchy, scratchy synth line, which may have been something that would be cool for a few seconds, but it plays for pretty much the entire frickin’ song, and I’m sick of it very quickly. The rest of the production is completely forgettable Early 2010s Hip-Hop.

Lyrically, the song is completely and utterly meaningless. Just a bunch of cliches about drinking, partying, doing drugs and making money, all of which are time-worn clichés of Hip-Hop (and popular music in general, for that matter). Also, how about that title line?

“I'm on one

f**k it, I'm on one

I said I'm on one

F**k it, I'm on one.”

What the hell is that supposed to mean? What exactly are you on, Sir Aubrey Graham? The genius page says it’s about drinking lean, but I’m still baffled by it nonetheless. Anyway, the lyrics are empty and worthless.

When it comes to the guys performing it, it’s the guys from Young Money joining together and combining all of their most mediocre qualities. Drake, while not quite as boring and dull as he is today, still shows a complete lack of effort for the most part. Rick “she ain’t even know it” Ross is completely forgettable, and Lil Wayne’s part is still full of corny puns and jokes like “I'm focused might aswell say cheese for the pictures”, “You a sell out, but I ain't buying” and “Chopper dissect a n***a like science”. DJ Khaled is just a mascot who does nothing, as has been the case on nearly every one of his hits.

Last, but definitely not least, this song is just TOO. DAMN. LONG! The song clocks in at over five minutes in length, which is far longer than it should’ve been. A song of this length needs something interesting to keep our attention, and yet it doesn’t change at all for pretty much that entire time. I’m ready to check out very, very quickly, and makes this song a bloated slog. I don’t know if it would’ve made the list anyway, but I can say for dang sure that a three minute I’m On One would not have ended up topping this list, and yet, it did, because they decided to make it five minutes. I’m One by DJ Khaled ft. Drake, Rick Ross and Lil Wayne, The Worst Hit Song of 2011. I’ll get that best list out within the next week or so, and then I’ll be taking a bit of a break after that, but for now, have a good day, I’ll see you next time!