Friday, August 21, 2020

Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016 (No Honorable Mentions)

 Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016 (No Honorable Mentions)

Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog, and in this post, I will be looking at the Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016… with no Honorable Mentions. Yeah, this was not a good year for popular music. Only 15 5/5 songs made the Year-End list, and four of them were repeats from 2015 (those being Hello, 679, Can’t Feel My Face and Wildest Dreams). Because of my limited options, I decided to leave out the Honorable Mentions entirely and incorporate my #11 into the list proper, thus making it the Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016. Let’s dive right into the list, starting with #11.

#11: H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line (Peak: #14, Year-End: #49)

There’s no better way to start the list than with a hot take! Yeah, this is the second time that I’ve put The Nickelback of Country on one of my best lists, and while this isn’t nearly as good as Dirt, it’s still one of my guiltiest pleasures.

Yes, the guys from FGL are meatheaded doofs. Yes, the composition is the inspiration for every Dan + Shay song in existence. Yes, the lyrics are A Thousand Years by Christina Perri levels of sappy, and yes, the “You’re H.O.L.Y., I’m high on loving you” chorus is nonsensical (wouldn’t it be “I’m H.O.L.Y”?).

However, I’ve long since gotten over FGL being meatheaded doofs, I don’t mind the production being as whitebread as it is, I’ve put plenty of sappy love songs on my best lists (heck, the aforementioned A Thousand Years almost made the Honorable Mentions for my Best of 2012 list), and yes, I don’t mind the acronym being applied the wrong way. Also, in case you haven’t noticed, this is just a total retread of the Tevin Campbell segment on my Best of 1992 list, I was bound to reuse it at some point. So, in total, I love this slice of Nashville cheese. Make fun of me all you want, but I stand by it, I’m high on loving this song.

#10: All In My Head (Flex) by Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap (Peak: #24, Year-End: #93)

Yeah, Fifth Harmony are also making my best list this year, with their best Year-End hit by a country mile (keyword: Year-End hit, there’s also this gem that unfortunately missed the 2015 Year-End list, peaking at #40). As with Work From Home, this song is trying to be sexy, but unlike that one, this one succeeds. The instrumentation is Reggae-touched R&B that pulls off the Tropical vibe better than just about any other song from this year, and believe me, there were a ton of songs that were trying for a Tropical vibe in 2016 (also, there’s a downward key change in the chorus, which is rare enough that I felt like I needed to bring it up). Vocally, the girls from Fifth Harmony have never sounded better, as the producers knew to put the lower voiced members in the spotlight. As for what they’re singing? Well, I’ll put it this way, it’s a bit PG-13 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (yes, I have made it a mission to include at least one lenny face in each ranking I do). 

Also, Fetty Wap is on the song. It’s a real shame that Fetty was only big between 2015 and 2016, as while he may not have been the most vocally talented guy, he was sure more interesting and fun than the interchangeable mumble rappers that followed. All in all, it’s a fun song that I’m glad made the Year-End list. I know that Fifth Harmony may not be the coolest act for me, a 19 year old guy, to put on my best list, but hey, at least it’s not Justin Bieber or something, right?

#9: Let Me Love You by DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber (Peak: #4, Year-End: #47)

Okay, Justin Bieber isn’t nearly as hated nowadays as he was ten years ago, but I’m sure someone somewhere is giving me the side eye for praising him. Truth be told, I never hated Justin Bieber. Yeah, he sounded like a little kid trying way too hard to be cool, but I don’t think the intense, burning fury the internet threw at him in the Early 2010s was justified. 

Fast forward to 2016, however, and things had changed. For one, his balls had long since dropped, so he now didn’t sound like a girl, and for two, he was absolutely massive this year, Seriously, he had the two biggest hits on the Year-End list (Love Yourself at #1 and Sorry at #2), as well as multiple other Year-End appearances, one of which was on DJ Snake’s Let Me Love You, the #9 pick on this list.

The EDM scene by 2016 had gone through a shift from explosive bangers that hit with the force of nuclear weapons to a more mellow, vibey sound, similar to the shift in the music scene as a whole. Truth be told, a lot of the later EDM hits (2015-2018) were kind of underwhelming, but I’d say that Let Me Love You was the best hit from that period of the genre. For one, the drop fits in seamlessly with the rest of the song, something I can’t say of Cold Water, Bieber’s other Electronic feature in 2016. The lyrics are simple yet effective picture of Bieber pleading for his partner not to give up on the relationship, and I can’t say that I’ve ever heard Justin Bieber sound better as a vocalist. Overall, this is my favorite Justin Bieber song, as well as likely the only time he’ll make a best list of mine, and yet he wasn’t the top Justin on the Year-End list.

#8: Can’t Stop The Feeling by Justin Timberlake (Peak: #1, Year-End: #9)

The pop scene of the Mid 2010s went through a dramatic shift in sound and style. Notably, straight-ahead Pop went from being the dominant genre in the first half of the decade to being basically dead from 2016-2018, with Can’t Stop The Feeling being the last major hurrah of the Bubblegum 10s, and yeah, I think that Bubblegum would be a perfect way to describe this song. For one, you don’t have to think too hard about the lyrics, which are just about dancing and having a good time. Justin Timberlake puts his falsetto to full use on the completely generic and yet still awesome hook, and I’d say that “generically awesome” is a good description for this song’s sound. Todd In The Shadows said that JT was aiming for Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough but ended up with Dancing On The Ceiling, and for as 100% accurate as that statement was, that doesn’t really detract anything from this blast of a song. Yes, this song lacks any substance and has been done a million times before, but please let me eat my cake… hmmm, cake.

#7: Cake By The Ocean by DNCE (Peak: #9, Year-End: #18)

You know, for as simple of a song as this is, it seems to have a strangely divided reputation in the music review community. On one hand you have people like myself and the aforementioned Todd In The Shadows (yes, I did just inadvertently compare myself to Todd) who consider this a fun (albeit quite stupid) pop jam, but there are also quite a few detractors. Spectrum Pulse and Nerd With An Afro both included this on their worst lists (albeit as a DM for the former), and The Double Agent even went as far as to call it the fourth worst hit of the entire decade, which I obviously disagree with wholeheartedly.

Before I make my case for why I like this song, let me get the obvious out of the way: this is a total retread of Uptown Funk. It’s clear that Joe Jonas heard Uptown Funk and thought “hey, that’s a great song, how ‘bout I take a stab at it?”, and you know what, Uptown Funk is a great song (more on that once I get around to 2015). However, there are a few key differences between Uptown Funk and Cake By The Ocean. For one, while Uptown Funk isn’t really about anything other than how awesome Bruno Mars is, Cake By The Ocean is actually about something, and hint, it isn’t actually about cake ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

Yeah, this is a sex song, and quite an awkwardly written one at that. It was clear that Joe Jonas (and all of the Jonas Brothers for that matter) was trying to shed the innocent image he had from the Disney days, and I’ll be the first to say that he may have overcompensated (what, with the unnecessary F-bombs and the like). If “Cake By The Ocean” is sex, than I’m guessing that “candy on the dry land” is this (yes, I’m going to reference that song as much as possible). Put simply, I agree with Todd that this is Uptown Funk if it had been written by LMFAO.

However, none of that detracts from this song for me. For one, that Funk-Rock groove still kicks ass. It reminds me of everything from INXS to early Maroon 5, and it always makes me happy when a song with a funky groove becomes a big hit. The chorus is still a blast, and I have many fond memories of hearing this on the radio in 2016. Is the song trying way too hard? Yes. Is it an Uptown Funk wannabe? Yes. Do I care? No, this song is awesome.

#6: Adventure Of A Lifetime by Coldplay (Peak: #13, Year-End: #95)

For all my praise of Cake By The Ocean, it wasn’t the best 2016 hit by a band incorporating funky grooves into their music, which brings me to Adventure Of A Lifetime by Coldplay, the #6 song on this list.

Now, I’ve praised this band before, and I suspect that this will not be the last time I do so (I’m looking at you, Speed Of Sound), but as of the time being, I’m talking about Adventure Of A Lifetime.

In contrast to the anthemic Paradise or the once-in-a-generation masterpiece Viva La Vida, Adventure Of A Lifetime is a more stripped back Disco-influenced song about… well, I don’t actually know what this song is about, even after looking at the genius page. I’ve heard it’s about recovering from challenges and looking forward (which would make sense, considering that Chris Martin had just separated from his then-wife Gwyneth Paltrow at the time), but I can’t know for sure, it’s pretty abstract, but what I do know is that it sounds awesome. 

Speaking of awesome, let’s talk about how the song sounds. Now, I’ve already mentioned that the song is influenced by Disco and Funk, with an infectiously catchy guitar line and a call-and-response “woo-hoo” outro. While this might not be Coldplay’s best hit (nothing’s ever topping Viva La Vida), it’s easily one of the funnest songs Coldplay has ever made, and I could not be more glad that this barely managed to sneak onto the Year-End list. Hey, speaking of great songs that peaked at #13...

#5: Into You by Ariana Grande (Peak: #13, Year-End: #51)

Ariana Grande is an artist who I have a complicated relationship with. On the one hand, she’s an immensely talented vocalist who can easily go toe-to-toe with the likes of Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston in terms of raw pipes. However, she’s often wasted her talent on crap like 7 Rings, rather than making the flashy Pop music she’s naturally suited for, and Into You may just be the best hit of her entire career so far.

First off, the song just sounds incredible. Produced by Max Martin (AKA the most successful pop producer of this century), the song begins constrained and tense, gradually building up until the burst of energy that is the chorus, only to die back down and repeat the cycle once more. After that, you’re treated to one of the best bridges that I’ve ever heard in a pop song, before one more awesome chorus and extended-post chorus that closes out the song.

However, as amazing as the composition is, I think the real MVP is Ariana’s vocal performance. I’ve already mentioned that she is one of the most talented singers in the Pop world, and this is the best showing of it that I’ve ever heard. Her voice ranges from low and breathy in the verses to soaring and bombastic in the chorus and especially the bridge, even hitting a whistle note towards the end of the song. She sells the song’s premise of taking risks and diving head-first into a relationship flawlessly, and really, what more could I ask for in a Pop song? Ariana, you done good, more of this would be welcome.

#4: Perfect by One Direction (Peak: #10, Year-End: #100)

Alright, time to talk about the bottom song on the Year-End list, and the final hit from One Direction (to date, I’ve heard the rumors of them reuniting). I remember when everyone hated One Direction in 2012, and some people (particularly my friends, I post these lists on Instagram) may be tempted to make fun of me for liking this song so much, but please, allow me to make my case.

To begin, the song’s instrumentation is great. It’s a nice little slice of Pop Rock energy that was desperately needed at a time when the music scene was turning ever more dour by the day. Thinking about it, it’s quite similar to Style by Taylor Swift (a great song in its own right, spoilers for a future Best of 2015 list), which makes sense, considering that this song might be Harry Styles’ response to that song (Harry and Taylor previously dated). Speaking of that, the lyrical content can basically be summarized as this: “If you want anything that’s gonna work out long term, then pass, but if you want to have a bit of fun, I’m your best bet”. 

If you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms

And if you like having secret little rendezvous

If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn't do

Baby, I'm perfect

Baby, I'm perfect for you

And if you like midnight driving with the windows down

And if you like going places we can't even pronounce

If you like to do whatever you've been dreaming about

Baby, you're perfect (X2)

So let's start right now

Now, this would usually be a bad idea (what, getting into a relationship that you know won’t last), but Harry and the boys just sell it. Overall, this proves that boy bands can indeed make good music, and as with Adventure Of A Lifetime, I couldn’t be more glad that this made the Year-End list.

#3: In The Night by The Weeknd (Peak: #12, Year-End: #61)

Warning: my top three are going to be VERY predictable to anyone who’s ever read or watched a Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2016 list before, and to begin the trio of predictable picks, we have In The Night by The Weeknd.

I’ll start with the instrumentation, which captures the balance of being both danceable and dark at the same time. Who said that all electronic dance jams have to be all sunshine and rainbows? This sure isn’t, which brings me to the subject matter, and oh sweet mama do we have a doozy today.

The Weeknd isn’t afraid to go into dark topics on his songs. I mean, look at The Hills, which I referenced a few times in my worst list as an example of a dark and downbeat song done well. Well, the subject matter at hand here might as well make The Hills (a song about cheating) look like California Gurls by comparison, because this is about sexual abuse. The woman who is the subject of this song was sexually abused at a young age, leading to her life spiraling out of control until she ends up working as a stripper, trying desperately to feel something, anything. The Weeknd tells this story as an onlooker, seeing the despair, but also seeing limitless potential in her, if she could only escape from the demons of her past. Combine this with The Weeknd’s powerful, MJ-esque vocals, and you end up with a song that deserves every iota of acclaim that it’s received, and yet it’s only #3 on this list.

#2: When We Were Young by Adele (Peak: #14, Year-End: #83)

Adele has once again been snubbed from the #1 spot on this list, and this time, it’s When We Were Young that lands as the runner-up, but that’s not to take anything away from this absolutely gorgeous song.

As per usual, I’m gonna start with the instrumentation. It’s a very stripped-down song, just being bass, guitar, light percussion, piano and a backing choir. This gives Adele a lot of space to sing, and boy does she ever. I don’t need to talk about Adele’s voice, you all know it’s great, so let’s move on to the lyrics.

Now, imagine this: You’re at a party with tons of people, when all of the sudden, you see a familiar face. It’s an ex that you haven’t seen in years. How do you react? How do you feel about seeing them? What do you say? Well, that’s what this song is about.

 

You look like a movie

You sound like a song

My God, this reminds me

Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light

In case it is the last time

That we might be exactly like we were

Before we realized

We were sad of getting old

It made us restless

It was just like a movie

It was just like a song

Keep in mind that Adele was 25 when she wrote this (hence the title of the album this came from), but I can’t be too surprised by the depth and maturity on display, it’s Adele. I mean, who wasn’t expecting self-reflection out the wazoo? Yeah, this is an incredible song, and rest assured that I get chills every time I hear it, but alas, it wasn’t my #1. So, what could that be?

Guys, I’m sorry to be so damn predictable. I mean, my top three are most likely the three songs anyone in this corner of the internet thinks of when they think of the Best Hit Songs of 2016, and this is especially true of my #1, which nearly every reviewer has put at or near the top of their best list for this year, and it appears that I am just another one of them. This song has been so thoroughly showered with praise over the past few years that I don’t think I can add anything new to say, but that’s not going to stop me from putting in my thoughts anyway. So, let’s not drag this one on any further, I give to you The Best Hit Song of 2016…

#1: I Took A Pill In Ibiza by Mike Posner (Peak: #4, Year-End: #15)

Really, was it ever going to be anything else? Yeah, this is the obvious pick for a reason, but before I get into the details, I think it’d be best to show the background behind this song.

So, Mike Posner was a singer who had a few hits between 2010 and 2011, most notably the Top 10 hit “Cooler Than Me”, before fading away just as quickly as he got big (Cooler Than Me was a Dishonorable Mention on my Worst of 2010 list). Now, he did have some success as a writer behind the scenes, but he was never able to recapture his early success… well, until this song.

Well, now that I’ve gotten the background out of the way, how about the song itself? Well, the basic theme of the song is that fame isn’t all it’s made out to be. You could be rich and drive a fancy car and have tons of material possessions, but that alone isn’t going to make you happy. 

I'm living out in LA

I drive a sports car just to prove

I'm a real big baller 'cause I made a million dollars

And I spend it on girls and shoes

 

But you don't wanna be high like me

Never really knowing why like me

You don't ever wanna step off that roller coaster and be all alone

You can be rich, famous and miserable, especially if said fame has dried up like it had for Mike.

I'm just a singer who already blew his shot

I get along with old timers

'Cause my name's a reminder of a pop song people forgot

So, yeah, I’m astonished at how well written this song is. However, there’s also one more thing to mention: the version that got big is a remix. The original is actually an acoustic ballad that, while also really good, isn’t quite as incredible as the remix that became big. The remix was by Seeb, a production duo from Norway, and not only did they make the song club-ready, but they also nailed the intended vibe of emptiness. As I said in my segment on In The Night, not every dance song has to be sunshine and rainbows, and this one is exhibit A for the more downbeat side of EDM.

Overall, it’s an incredibly self-reflective song, that when paired to a melancholic EDM production, managed to become my favorite hit song of 2016. While neither Mike Posner nor Seeb managed to keep the momentum from this going, this sure was a great song to have around. Next time, I’ll be looking at 2004, arguably the defining year of the 2000s, and until them, have a great day.

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016

 Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016

Welcome back to Gabingston’s blog, and today we’re looking at the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016. Now, I remember the quality of popular music taking a nosedive in 2016, which led me to quit pop music until Late 2018. Combined with the bad reputation this year has garnered among YouTube’s music review community, I came into this year with very low expectations. After listening to the entire 2016 Year-End list, I can confirm that this was indeed a subpar year for music. Hip-Hop and R&B devolved into dull mumbling, Pop and EDM became stale, Country was nearly nonexistent and Rock… well, it’s pretty much dead. Taking all this into consideration, 2016 got a score of 53.3/100, the lowest score I have awarded any year I’ve looked at thus far (the previous low score was 54.4/100 set by 2017). Let’s not waste any more time and get straight onto the list, starting with our Dishonorable Mentions!

Dishonorable Mention: One Call Away by Charlie Puth (Peak: #12, Year-End: #43)

This… isn’t actually all that bad. I mean, the music’s fine, Charlie Puth is a solid singer and the lyrics, while pretty lame, aren’t all that egregious. So, why is this in the dishonorable mentions?

Superman got nothing on me

OHH, that’s why!

Dishonorable Mention: Starving by Hailee Steinfeld and Grey ft. Zedd (Peak: #12, Year-End: #94)

Clumsy lyrics (especially on the chorus) + personality-less (if also really pretty) singer + grating drop = Starving by Hailee Steinfeld. While it’s not bad per se, I’ve also heard a lot better.

Dishonorable Mention: Work by Rihanna ft. Drake (Peak: #1, Year-End: #4)

Man, this Rihanna/Drake collab sure does exist, doesn’t it?

Dishonorable Mention: Pillowtalk by Zayn (Peak: #1, Year-End: #22)

When I ranked Every #1 Hit of the 2010s for a Pulse Rankdown a while back, Pillowtalk was the second lowest song on the ranking, and while my thoughts on it have mellowed out significantly since then, I still think this song is a mess. The production is compressed to the point where it sounds stiff, Zayn’s singing way too hard on the chorus and the lyrics are trying their best to be profound, but just end up being baffling (seriously, why would your bedroom be a warzone?). Sure, it’s not as bad as I once thought it was, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea.

Dishonorable Mention: Work From Home by Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign (Peak: #4, Year-End: #16)

Here’s the premise of this song: the girls are going to get their partners fired from their jobs so that they can be have lots of sex. Combine that with lots of clumsy metaphors and pitchy singing from Camila, and you get a wildly misconceived song that was kept out of the Bad Tier by a catchy (if also incredibly dated) beat.

Dishonorable Mention: Hands To Myself by Selena Gomez (Peak: #7, Year-End: #56)

Alright, we’ve now arrived at the songs that I would go as far as to call outright bad. For the first of these songs, we have Selena Gomez trying to be sensual and seductive, which shouldn’t be too hard for a woman as gorgeous as her, and yet she just sounds like she’s trying wayyyy too hard. Sorry, that type of whisper singing isn’t sexy. Also, the whole premise of the song (that she can’t keep her hands to herself) is blown apart right at the end of the song.

I mean I could, but why would I want to?

Ba dum tss.

Dishonorable Mention: Hide Away by Daya (Peak: #23, Year-End: #84)

There were several artists who briefly blew up in 2016, and while I can’t say that Daya was the worst of them, I still think she was pretty pointless. For example, her debut single Hide Away is quite a mess. The production sounds really cheap, Daya’s voice is pitchy as heck and the lyrics are about her desperation to find a boy, which directly contradicts her next single, Sit Still Look Pretty, which was all about how she doesn’t need a boy in her life. Also, the bridge before the final chorus is repetitive to the point of annoyance. Yeah, I don’t think it’s any wonder that she disappeared after only one year of fame.

Dishonorable Mention: Oui by Jeremih (Peak: #19, Year-End: #55)

Alright, we’ve arrived at the final cut for the list. While completely innocuous lyrically (it’s actually kind of a sweet song), the production is a cluttered mess and I’m not a fan of Jeremih’s voice. Sure, he’s had more questionable songs in his career, but that doesn’t make this mess any better. So, what could be the #10 pick on this list. Well, I might want to take a nap after talking about it.

#10: Lost Boy by Ruth B (Peak: #24, Year-End: #76)

It’s… just… so… boring. Seriously, this makes Feelings by Morris Albert look like a Prog Rock epic by comparison. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t go that far, that song is really lame as well, but that doesn’t mean that Lost Boy isn’t anything but a bore. Instrumentally, it’s just a piano ballad, and while there are great piano ballads, it’s safe to say that this isn’t one of them. Much of that comes down to Ruth B’s singing, which sounds like Rihanna if any semblance of personality or charisma was stripped away. It’s almost impossible to describe how bland her vocals are. As for her lyrics, they’re literally just a Peter Pan fan fic, nothing more, nothing less. I will say, this would be a great song to play at nap time for kindergarteners, this should get them to sleep pretty fast. Ruth B, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re a nice lady, but I’m not gonna lie and say that this isn’t a snoozefest.

#9: 2 Phones/Really Really by Kevin Gates (Peak: #17/#46, Year-End: #57/#92)

I mentioned a few slots ago that there were quite a few One Year Wonders in 2016, one of whom was Kevin Gates, who put out two subpar hits this year before disappearing from the face of the earth. 

First up, 2 Phones. It shouldn’t be much of a question why this made the list, it’s a stupid idea for a song. Listen, I get that it’s likely meant as a joke, but it’s not one that I find particularly funny. I’ve made it by just fine with one phone, and while I don’t begrudge you if you use two phones, I don’t find it particularly necessary.

Alright, how about Really Really, which made the Year-End list despite peaking at #46? Well, it’s just as laughable. It’s all about how real he is, despite it sounding just as much like a joke song as 2 Phones. Listen, I just don’t resonate with these songs, alright? I’m not very good at explaining why I dislike them, I just do. This guy isn’t even relevant anymore, so I’m just gonna move on to #8.

#8: Exchange by Bryson Tiller (Peak: #26, Year-End: #53)

Now, this is a song I haven’t seen on a lot (if any) Worst of 2016 lists, and I can certainly understand why.

Is there anything objectionable in the lyrical content? No, it’s about seeking a deeper, more committed relationship, and I can appreciate that.

Is Bryson Tiller a bad singer? Not really. Sure, he isn’t really my type, but that by no means makes him bad (I’d rate his vocals a solid 5/10).

Is the production cheap or grating? No, it’s perfectly passable Trap-R&B, not my preferred flavor of R&B, but definitely passable. Well, all except for one thing: THAT DAMN SAMPLE!

Seriously, I CANNOT STAND the background vocal sample. The original vocal run from the beginning of Swing My Way, a Dance-infused Hip-Hop hit from 1998 is fine, but it’s pitched up to the point of annoyance and repeated to no end, and if there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s annoying, repetitive sounds (probably my mild Autism speaking). It’s not too common for one little thing like that to single handedly ruin a song, but alas, that was the case with this one.

#7: Wicked by Future (Peak: #41, Year-End: #97)

Ooh boy, Future. I’m totally expecting to understand each and every bar from this guy. Yeah, Future is widely cited as a pioneer of the Mumble Rap genre that dominated the charts from 2016-2018, which brings me to Wicked, his most minor hit in 2016. The song starts off with a blast of noise (including an MLG airhorn), before devolving into the most standard trap beat in the history of standard trap beats, where Future proceeds to mumble half-unintelligibly, throwing in lines like “I put that lingo on her, she was Spanish”, “I want green, green, green, all asparagus” and “Married to the game, I'm the s**t”. The hook is just Future repeating the word “wicked” a dozen or two times, only a few of which I could understand. This song barely scraped onto the Year-End list and didn’t even hit the Top 40, and it’s not like I don’t understand why it didn’t take off, because it’s not good.

#6: Back To Sleep by Chris Brown (Peak: #20, Year-End: #89)

Wow, Chris Brown is making a worst list, such a surprise! Yeah, Chris Brown is a common punching bag in the music review community, and I’ve done my fair share of dunking on him (he’s made my worst lists for 2019, 2010, 2008, 2012 and now 2016, as well as appearing as a Dishonorable Mention on my 2014 worst list). While he has some good songs like Forever and Yeah 3x, most of his discography ranges from mediocre to outright unbearable, with this song falling somewhere in between the two.

Now, I’ve got to start by saying that this is not a bad sounding song, quite the contrary. The smooth R&B production is actually pretty dang good, and Chris doesn’t sound bad at all behind the mic. However, why this song makes the list is because of what he’s singing. You see, this is about Chris Brown coming home in the middle of the night, but rather than entering gracefully and clocking out, he insists on waking his girl.

I know you got work pretty early, I'll be around 'bout 3: 30

Usually you done by one, so baby when I wake you up


Just let me rock, f**k you back to sleep girl

Don't say a word no (no, don't you talk)

Just hold on tight to me girl

F**k you back to sleep girl rock you back

Oh, the first line in that lyrical sample reminds me of something, SHE WORKS IN THE MORNING! Chris, don’t you care about your GF’s job, she could get fired!

Ain't sorry that I woke ya, I ain't sorry 'bout ya job

Call sick in the morning so I can get a little bit more of your love

I know you want me, how you feel me cause you never disagree

So when you wake from your sleep, girl

Nope, apparently not. Seriously, not only are the lyrics awful, but I could see a song like this working, which arguably makes it worse. Believe me, I don’t want to be bashing Chris Brown this much, but I’m sorry, this ain’t good.

#5: Down In The DM by Yo Gotti (Peak: #13, Year-End: #69)

Another day, another subpar trap song making my worst list, who’da thunk? Yeah, this is a pretty generic trap song with a generic-ass beat and an almost as generic MC, which begs the question? Why is this in the bottom five of my worst list? Well, as with Back To Sleep, that comes down to the lyrical content, which is about stealing other guys’ girls on Instagram.

I see your girl post her BM, so I hit her in her DM

All eyes yeah I see 'em, yeah this your man I hate to be him (whoop)

It goes down in the DM (it go down) it go down in the DM (it go down, it go... down)

It goes down in the DM (it go down) it go down in the DM (it go down, it go... down)

Listen, I know these songs aren’t meant to be taken seriously, but I’m a “critic”, so there are times where I have to ignore the fact that it’s not meant to be serious and criticize morally questionable lyrics at face value. Thus, I award this song three points out of 10 and put it at #5 on this list. Now, how about one of the most aggressively lame songs ever made?

#4: I Hate U I Love U by Gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (Peak: #10, Year-End: #38)

Folks, I present unto you the single boringest, most insipid song ever made. First, let’s talk about the vocals. Gnash put literally no passion or effort into his sing-rapping, but still ends up sounding overly angry and bitter (likely because of the unnecessary curse words he threw in his verse). As for the guest vocalist Olivia O’Brien? Well, you know how I said that Ruth B had no personality? Olivia O’Brien makes her sound like Whitney Houston by comparison. She is a personality black hole, having the single most generic White girl voice I’ve ever heard, and believe me, 2016 was not short on generic White girl voices (see Daya and Kiiara for more info on that). This is mirrored in the composition, which is quite possibly the most lifeless that I’ve ever heard.

Okay, so maybe the lyrics are the focus of this song? After all, it is a piano ballad, so it goes to figure that extra emphasis on the lyrics, right? Well, what if said lyrics were utter trite? It’s supposed to be a duet, but Gnash and Olivia’s don’t seem to connect on any level. It’s like they stitched two already bad songs together to make a song that was super bad. Gnash is “singing” about how he’s bitter and sad over a breakup, while Olivia O’Brien is singing about how much she wants him despite him paying attention to another girl (presumably the one he broke up with). They have literally nothing to do with each other. I HATED this song back in 2016, and four years of hindsight and a fresh have not changed a thing. So, what could be worse?

#3: Needed Me by Rihanna (Peak: #7, Year-End: #13)

Yup, it’s time to talk about Rihanna again. She’s the most inconsistent artist in popular music, and this song, Needed Me, unfortunately falls far on the bad end of the scale. It’s not quite as awful as Birthday Cake, but it’s still a steaming pile of garbage.

First, the production is awful. It’s trying to sound dark and bruting, but just ends up sounding lethargic and sleep-inducing. DJ Mustard has made some good beats (Ballin’ for example), but this sure isn’t one of them. Rihanna sounds just as tired, trying for badassery and failing miserably. As for the lyrics, they’re about how much the target of the song (“you”) needed Riri to get by, but how she totally didn’t need him (even though she sounds like she downed a few painkillers) and how he was “just another guy on the hit list” (although using a different word for guy). Once again, this isn’t Rihanna’s worst song (yeah, Birthday Cake has got that title down pretty securely), but it isn’t all that far off. On another note, any of y’all want to see who the worst new artist of 2016 was?

#2: Panda/Tiimmy Turner by Desiigner (Peak: #1/#34, Year-End: #6/#98)

You know what, I’ll just get it out of the way right here: Desiigner sucked. I mean, here’s a frickin’ Future knockoff, and I can tell you that we sure didn’t need anyone ripping off an artist who isn’t very good in the first place.

Okay, let’s start off with his big hit, Panda. The beat is generic AF, probably bought for like 20 bucks on any given build-a-beat website. The lyrics are generic bars about screwing b*tches, getting rich and being a badass, with Desiigner lacking any charisma to remotely sell it (he is a Future wannabe, after all). However, the worst element of the song would definitely be the relentlessly annoying ad-libs, which play throughout the entire dang song. They wear out their welcome almost instantly, and I can’t stand having to hear them throughout most of the song. When I ranked all the #1 Hits of the 2010s, this was the fourth lowest song, and even that might be too generous to this steaming turd.

However, his much less successful follow up Tiimmy Turner might be even worse. It has all the problems of Panda, Desiigner’s incomprehensible mumbling, nonsensical lyrics and annoying ad-libs, but it adds on a grating beat with a dental drill synth. It’s clearly trying to be The Hills, but it just ends up being one giant clusterf**k. The last minute of the song switches to a far less grating beat and is significantly more tolerable, which is what kept it from taking the #1 spot, but it’s still an absolutely dreadful song. Fortunately, the public woke up and said “wait a minute, we already have one Future, we don’t need another” and cast Desiigner off into irrelevance, but the damage was already done, as he left behind two of the worst hits of 2016, and yet, neither of them took the #1 spot.


My #1 pick is what I believe summed up everything wrong with popular music in 2016. From dour Trap beats to major artists phoning it in and ceasing to give even the slightest crap about their product, this is the ultimate bad 2016 song, and it could have only come from the most inexplicably popular artist in the current music scene. So, congrats Drake, you’re officially the king of crap.

#1: Pop Style by Drake ft. The Throne (Peak: #16, Year-End: #82)

As far as I’m aware, I haven’t talked about my thoughts on Drake at length, so how about I do that? So, here are my thoughts on Drake: He’s the single most underwhelming artist in the music industry. Seriously, he’s been pumping out hits constantly since 2009, and yet I can only name one song of his that I actually like (that one being Hold On We’re Going Home, and even that is only a 7.5/10, not good enough to make a best list). The rest of his discography ranges from passable (Find Your Love, Take Care, Nice For What etc.) to outright awful, and this song, Pop Style, obviously is in the latter category.

First off, the beat is creepy and dour. Now, a creepy and dour atmosphere can work in a song (once again, The Hills by The Weeknd is a perfect example), but only if it’s intended to be that way. This, on the other hand, fell into the trap that B*tches Love Me by Lil Wayne fell into, creepy but without any reason to be. 

Next up, the performers. First up, Drake. This was well past the point when Drake stopped giving a damn about his music, so he drops a lifeless, mediocre hook and verse about all the things you’d expect a Drake song to be about (with the stupid “Got so many chains they call me Chaining Tatum” pun). Overall, it’s as effortless as I’d expect a post-2013 Drake song to be. 

Now, how about “The Throne” referenced in the title card? Well, “The Throne” is Jay-Z and Kanye West, two of the most famous and successful rappers of this century. Jay-Z was only given two lines, so he’s basically a non-presence. As for Kanye, well, he didn’t put much effort in either, Drake’s lack of trying is clearly contagious. To be honest, I don’t want to talk about this song anymore. In fact, I don’t even know if it’s worth putting at #1. Tiimmy Turner has far deeper lows and I Hate U I Love U is even more pathetic, but since I don’t make retroactive edits to my initial rankings, this is my pick for The Worst Hit Song of 2016… maybe. In a few days, I will put out the Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016… with no Honorable Mentions. Yes, this year was that pathetic. Take care and have a good day, I’ll see you next time.