Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1998
Hello, and welcome back for another Year-End retrospective, this time going back to the Late 90s and taking a look at the Worst Hit Songs of 1998. Now, I’ll just get this out of the way: 1998 was the boringest year for music I’ve looked at thus far. So much of this year’s music was just middle of the road, with very little standing out in either direction, good or bad. This wasn’t helped by a mixture of obsolete rules from Billboard and record industry practices keeping many otherwise huge hits from charting on the Hot 100 during the Mid-Late 90s, something that would be resolved at the end of 1998, but not without denying songs like Torn, Don’t Speak or Iris the chance to chart (although Iris did chart for a brief time after the rule was lifted, making the 1999 Year-End list, even though it was a much bigger hit in 1998). All in all, the Year-End Hot 100 for 1998 (not including repeats from 1997) got a total score of 64.6/100, but that score does not give justice to just how much of a slog this year was. I’m not gonna waste any more time, so let’s get right into the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1998, no Honorable Mentions here, starting with #10.
#10: How’s It Going To Be by Third Eye Blind (Peak: #9, Year-End: #11)
Now, the bottom three spots on this list aren’t even songs that I’d really call “Bad”, more just that they rubbed me the wrong way, and the first of those three is Third Eye Blind’s follow-up to the massively successful Semi-Charmed Life, which was a huge hit the previous year and snuck onto this year’s list as well. However, the follow up single, while not flat-out bad isn’t something that I enjoy.
To begin, I’ve got to give the song a bit of a credit: the lyrics are actually pretty solid. The song is about a relationship that is falling apart, with the narrator wondering what it’ll be like if they go their separate ways. It’s filled with details about how the relationship has deteriorated over time, and how as much as he wants to reconcile with her, he doesn’t think it can be done.
Alright, compliments over, time for me to talk about why I don’t like this song. First, I’ve got to say that the composition is fine for the most part, it’s just standard Late 90s Alt-Rock, with some strings added in the backdrop, which are admittedly a nice touch. Nor are frontman Stephan Jenkins’ vocals all that bad. I mean, I’m not the biggest fan of his voice, but he’s at the very least tolerable here… until he isn’t.
You see, about two minutes and thirty seconds into the song, the volume kicks up a noticeable degree, and fifteen seconds later, Stephan starts shouting like a madman, sounding like a poor man’s Bono. While it doesn’t last all that long, in a year with not enough outright bad music to make a full Top 10, it was enough to put it on this list, albeit with the bottom spot. Let me reiterate that it isn’t a bad song by any means, and there are redeeming elements to it, but it rubbed me the wrong way, and I’ve got to be honest and put it on the list, albeit in the bottom spot.
#9: Victory by Puff Daddy ft. The Notorious B.I.G. and Busta Rhymes (Peak: #19, Year-End: #68)
Oh crap, I’m putting Biggie on another worst list. Not only that, but this was literally recorded the day before he was murdered, so it could come off as being in exceptionally bad taste. However, as with the first time I put him on a worst list, it isn’t really his fault that the song ended up here.
First off, as with the previous entry, this isn’t really a bad song, but rather one that rubbed me the wrong way. The instrumental heavily samples the instrumental Going The Distance from Rocky, thus tying into the theme of triumph. However… I just can’t get into this, like at all. I mean, it’s clearly trying to be the biggest hype-up anthem ever, and while I’m sure it succeeds for some, it sure doesn’t for me. It drags on too long (being nearly five minutes) and hasn’t aged all that well in some aspects. So, I completely understand if you like this, but I’m sorry, I don’t.
#8: Make Em Say Uhh/I Got The Hook Up by Master P (Peak: #16/#16, Year-End: #40/#67)
For the only joint entry on this list, we have the two biggest hits from New Orleans rapper Master P, Make Em Say Uhh and I Got The Hook Up. He appears to have quite a prolific discography, having released 15 solo albums and nine with two different groups, but these two songs aren’t giving me a very favorable first impression.
To begin, I’ll talk about his biggest hit, Make Em Say Uhh. As explained by the title, this is a song about making ‘em (whoever ‘em may be) say “uhh”, which approximately sounds like the noise one makes when they’re constipated. The rest of the song is built around a horn-based beat and vapid flexing, a totally forgettable song.
For his second hit, I Got The Hook Up, it wasn’t all that different of a story. The theme to the movie of the same name, the song contrasts rather serious lyrics about the narrator’s life of crime and how he doesn’t want to let his girl down with a chorus that has somehow even more obnoxious constipated “UHH’s”, which completely kills any chance of me vibing with this song. Overall, both of these songs are thoroughly underwhelming pieces of Late 90s Hip-Hop, and while they aren’t really bad, I’m not gonna be revisiting either of these two songs anytime soon.
#7: Let’s Ride by Montell Jordan ft. Master P and Silkk The Shocker (Peak: #2, Year-End: #27)
Fun fact: Montell Jordan was not a One-Hit Wonder. While he’s most known for the pretty solid but also quite overrated This Is How We Do It, he actually scored eight Top 40 hits between 1995 and 2000, with Let’s Ride being the second most successful of those songs. It peaked at #2 on the Hot 100, which leaves me with one question: why?
First, the lyrics. Just based off of the title, it should be pretty obvious what this song is about. Yeah, it’s a sex song, more specifically about hooking up with a lady after a show (kinda ironic, considering that Montell later became a minister). Now, there have been plenty of sex songs in popular music, and this one isn’t out of the ordinary in any way… well, except for one.
You see, the lyrics aren't the reason this is making the list,that would be the awful production. It’s a mashed together mix of different sounds that shouldn’t go together, some of which really grind my gears. Even though it’s just four minutes, it sure feels a lot longer than that and is a real slog to sit through, even while writing this script. Also, Master P from the previous spot is here, still doing his constipated grunt, and I’m not gonna even bother mentioning the other guy in here. In conclusion, this is a bad song and I’m not gonna listen to it for a long, long time after I’m done writing this sentence.
#6: Daydreamin’ by Tatyana Ali (Peak: #6, Year-End: #55)
For the #6 entry on this list, we have the one hit from actress and singer Tatyana Ali, and just based on this one song, I can see why she was a One-Hit Wonder.
Now, I’ll be honest, I can’t really pin down why I dislike this song so much. I mean, each of the parts of this (production, vocals, lyrics etc.) are fine on their own, but when they’re all put together, it’s a package that really pees me off. It might be one of those songs that is so completely innocent and chipper that it becomes annoying (even the rap verse is squeaky clean), and yeah, it’s literally about having such a strong case of puppy love that the singer can’t do anything but fawn over this guy. I don’t know, maybe I was too hard on this song, but this is how the list turned out, so I’ll just go with it. I’m sure that Tatyana Ali is a fine enough person (and she certainly is attractive, I’ll give her that), but when it comes to her music career, I’m fine leaving it at this.
#5: I Will Come To You by Hanson (Peak: #9, Year-End: #50)
Hey, you know Hanson? That band of (then) teenagers that made MMMBop, arguably the song (along with Wannabe) that kicked off the Late 90s-Early 2000s Teen Pop explosion? Yeah, they weren’t One-Hit Wonders, as their follow-up I Will Come To You was a Top 10 hit between 1997 & ‘98 (they did have a third Top 40 hit in 2000, This Time Around, but that wasn’t big enough to make the 2000 Year-End list). However, there’s a reason that no one remembers this song, and that is because it sucks.
First, the lyrics. The topic of the song isn’t that out of the ordinary, just about how he’ll be there for you (and I’m sure he swears those five words to you as well). There have been plenty of songs with this subject, some of which I really like, but needless to say, this isn’t one of them.
The instrumentation isn’t bad, just your typical Power Ballad stuff (piano, guitar, strings etc.). Hand this off to another band, and I’m sure this could’ve been okay.
That leaves me with the reason this song sucks so much, and that is Taylor Hanson’s vocals. I’ll put his voice this way: picture early Justin Bieber crossed with Bryan Adams, that’s what he sounds like. Now, I’ve stated multiple times that Justin Bieber circa 2010 got too much hate at the time, and I like more than a few Bryan Adams songs (yes, even that one), but I can’t take both of them put together. It is not fun to sit through, and I have no idea how Taylor didn’t completely shred his vocal chords, because it is shredding my eardrums. He sounds completely fine in later, post-puberty live performances, so this could’ve come out later and turned out at the very least passable, but I’m sorry, this wasn’t good at all.
#4: Touch It by Monifah (Peak: #9, Year-End: #77)
Going to a completely different flavor of bad, we have Touch It, the sole Top 20 hit from singer Monifah. Now, just going from the title, I wonder what this song could be about? I’ll give you a bit to think about it.
If you guessed that this song is about sex, you’d be correct. More specifically, it’s about Monifah asking you, the listener, if you really want to do it with her tonight, in a tone that is way too similar to Janet Jackson on You Want This, the #2 song on my Worst of 1995 list. The 90s were a time when music was becoming more sexually explicit (not that there weren’t sex songs before then, but they were usually a lot more subtle), and while there are some examples of raunchy songs that I like, I can’t say that I’m a fan of that development on whole, since it gaves us way too many songs like this.
As for the instrumentation, it’s a generic 90s House beat, that’s about it. It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not enough to redeem this song. As mentioned at the beginning, this was her only Top 20 hit, and based on this, I’m fine with it being that way.
#3: Money, Power & Respect by The LOX ft. DMX and Lil’ Kim (Peak: #17, Year-End: #78)
We’ve officially reached the podium on this list, and the winner of the Bronze Medal goes to Money, Power & Respect by The LOX, featuring DMX and Lil’ Kim, which also goes down as the worst Hip-Hop hit of the year.
First, the lyrical content. As described in the title, it’s about Money, Power and Respect, gaining them in that order. Now, I don’t have much of a problem with the lyrical content, it’s rather typical “started from the bottom, now we’re here” stuff, but there are a few bad lines like “Sling d*ck to chicks that don't speak English” and “If you could s**t gold like you split the decks”. Neither does it come from the rappers themselves, who are perfectly competent.
No, my problem is with the production. Not only is the sample repeating throughout the entire four minute song, but the first few seconds of the song is literal earrape. The sample plays really fast and goes up and down in volume, which gives me a headache in record time, and that’s the main reason this song not only made the list, but ended up in the Top 3.
#2: Sex And Candy by Marcy Playground (Peak: #8, Year-End: #28)
From the worst Hip-Hop hit of the year to the worst Rock hit of the year, the #2 spot on this list goes to Sex And Candy by Marcy Playground, a lousy song that rightfully did not lead to any further success for the band.
First, this guy’s voice is pathetic. He’s like if Kurt Cobain took a Xanny, it’s completely dour and lame. Next, the lyrics are a bunch of abstract references that, while probably pleasing some pretentious snobs, leaves me with nothing (seriously, what the heck is “disco lemonade?). Well, except this.
“Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had so much time
To sit and think about myself”
Wow, rhyming the same word twice, that isn’t lazy writing, is it?
Then we get to the instrumentation, which is basically Grunge minus any of the raw energy and angst that would’ve given it any appeal. No wonder this genre (Post-Grunge) gets such a bad red among music reviewers, it’s the original but less interesting or emotional. However, for as pathetic and lousy a song as this is, it wasn’t my #1. So, what could’ve taken the #1 spot?
So, you know how I mentioned Wannabe as a song that kicked off the Late 90s Teen Pop boom? Well, that wasn’t the Spice Girls’ only hit on this side of the pond. While they were never as huge over here in the U.S. as they were back home in the U.K. (nine out of their ten singles between 1996 and 2000 went to #1 in the U.K., and the one that didn’t went to #2), they still racked up a good few Top 20 hits in 1997 and 1998, although Wannabe seems to be the only one people remember over here (with the possible exception of 2 Become 1). However, one of the hits that was lost to time also happens to be one of the most annoying songs I’ve ever heard, and that, my friends, is my pick for the Worst Hit Song of 1998…
#1: Spice Up Your Life by Spice Girls (Peak: #18, Year-End: #81)
Yep, this is it, the worst hit of the year. Let’s tear off that bandaid right away and get straight into why this song sucks so hard.
First, the lyrics. They’re clearly trying to be uplifting, with the girls trying to “Spice Up Your Life”, but considering what the rest of the song entails, I might want my life to remain as dull as bread that’s been left out for too long. I know I went rather light on this segment, but that’s because there is really not much here to talk about.
Alright, how about the production? Well, that is where things begin to go south. You see, this song incorporates numerous styles, from Conga to Cheerleading, but all of them are insufferable. There is wayyy too much going on in this mix, and it gives me a headache as a result.
However, the worst part of this song has got to be the Spice Girls themselves, who I can only describe as supremely annoying. The repeating “la la la’s” and “ha ha’s” are cloying to an almost impressive degree, and the chants of “sPicE uP y0Ur liFe” only nail that point home. When combining that with the incredibly obnoxious accents (no offense to any Brits who may be reading this post), it only makes it even more like a bunch of brats shouting in your face (I’m not saying that the Spice Girls are brats, but that’s what it sounds like). All of this comes together to make Spice Up Your Life quite possibly the most annoying song ever made, and without question The Worst Hit Song of 1998. I’ll get the Best of 1998 list out early next month, and after that comes the big one, the Worst Hit Songs of 2020 list. Until then, however, I wish you all a great day.
