Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

Welcome to my first ever Year-End countdown, and to start off what I hope could be a wonderful journey through the history of popular music, the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019.
As 2019 has now come and gone, I can look back and say that it was a pretty solid way to close out the 2010s. Now, there wasn’t an extraordinary amount of great music in 2019, but there was a stark lack of terrible music when compared to some of the other years from this past decade. I had a really hard time filling out this list, as there were only seven or so songs that I actually disliked, which meant that the first three entries on this list are songs that I don’t even mind all that much, but just had some sort of aspect that bugged me.
In order to qualify for this list, a song must’ve debuted on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 for 2019, which means that songs like Sicko Mode, Girls Like You and Happier are ineligible to appear on either of my lists, even if they charted higher in 2019 (as Happier and Sicko Mode did). The total score for the 89 songs that debuted on 2019’s Year-End list was 260/445, or 58.4%, thus making 2019 an above average year, assuming the average would be 50%. Before we move on to the Top 10 itself, let’s look at some songs that I didn’t think were bad enough to make the actual list, but that still got under my skin.

Dishonorable Mention: Without Me by Halsey (Peak #1, Year-End #3)

I think I should preface this by stating that I am not a Halsey fan. I’ve never been a big fan of her nasally voice or her edgy Tumblr aesthetic, but I’m getting ahead of myself. As for the song itself, it’s not bad per se, but I do definitely find it to be whiny, dull and not entirely accurate as to her and G-Eazy’s relationship, considering that one of the most prominent lines in the song is “baby I’m the one who put you up there”, even though Halsey and G-Eazy broke through at about the same time. While I was much harder on both this song and on Halsey in the past, my opinion has softened over time, but not enough to give this lame ass song a pass.

Dishonorable Mention: Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi (Peak #1, Year-End #27)

Listen, I understand that your heart is broken, I’ve been through that too, but you’re singing wayyyyy to dang hard. While I can respect that Lewis is pouring his whole heart into this, and I don’t hate this nearly as much as most other pop reviewers do, it’s still quite overwrought and not the best written song I’ve ever heard, moving on.

Dishonorable Mention: Eyes On You by Chase Rice (Peak #38, Year-End #96)

I actually like a fair deal of the instrumentation on here (snaptrack aside), but the lyrics are quite meatheaded. Seriously, you don’t remember your trip around the world because you were too busy staring at your girl to the point where you say “I might as well have just stayed in the room?” Also, Chase sounds like a total frat-bro with his delivery. While this did have potential (as Luke Combs’ Nothing Like You showed), Chase Rice messed it up big time.

Dishonorable Mention: Leave Me Alone by Flipp Dinero (Peak #20, Year-End #71)

Yeah Flipp, I think it would be better to leave you alone, considering how whiny and raspy your voice is. MJ did this song better.

Dishonorable Mention: Robbery by Juice WRLD (Peak #27, Year-End #100)

This entry is not meant to show any disrespect to Juice WRLD, who just passed away recently. However, this isn’t the best written song in the world, I’ll put it that way. In fact, this is one of the worst written songs of 2019, complete with lines such as "Flex on a hoe every time they're insecure" and “I'm throwing rocks at your window”. However, I can tell that Juice poured his soul not just into this, but into every other song he made. He was robbed (pun intended) of his life, and his chance to hone his craft to be more mature, and it’s heartbreaking to see someone die so young, so I’m giving this one pass. R.I.P. Juice WRLD, 1998-2019.

Dishonorable Mention: Earth by Lil Dicky (Peak: #17, Year-End: N/A)

Had this not flopped and stuck around long enough to make the Year-End list, I’m not sure if it would’ve been #1, but boy would it have been close. I don’t have the time to go full in on tearing this to shreds (which many others have done better that I ever could), so to keep it short, I present to you the five worst lyrics in Earth by Lil Dicky.
1. We forgive you, Germany
2. Fellas, don't you love to c*m when you have sex? (Ayy)
And I heard women orgasms are better than a d*ck's (Uh)
3. And it covers up our human d*ck (Woo), eat a lot of tuna fish
4. How's it going? I'm a cow (Moo!)
You drink milk from my t*ts (Moo)
5. I'm a disgruntled skunk, shoot you out my butthole
Now, onto the list itself.

#10: Thotiana by Blueface (Peak: #8, Year-End: #47)

The first two entries on the list aren’t actually songs that I dislike, but are so utterly, completely incompetent that they make it on to the list based on that alone. First, we have Thotiana, the breakout single from rapper Blueface. It should be quite obvious why this is hilariously bad: the song is called Thotiana. I’m sorry, but there is a snowball’s chance in hell that I would take a song with that title seriously, which is only solidified by Blueface not keeping pace with the beat. Truth being told, it doesn’t sound like Blueface is taking himself seriously, and neither should we.

#9: Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes (Peak: #6, Year-End: #49)

Much in the vein of the last entry, this is really on here for it’s total lack of competence. It’s funny that Sheck Wes says that he’s “got so many floooowwwsss”, because he’s using basically the same flow for the entirety of the song, except for the bit where the beat cuts out (due to a laptop crash, this was a one-take song that was improvised for the entire second half of the song, if not the whole dang thing) and he goes “OH F**K S**T B***H!”, after which he compares himself to the Green Goblin of all things. Yeah, this is objectively terrible, but it’s also one of the funniest songs I’ve ever heard, and for that it gets a low but solid placement on this list.

#8: Murder On My Mind by YNW Melly (Peak: #14, Year-End: #66)

Well, this is awkward. In February of 2019, Florida rapper YNW Melly turned himself in to the law on two charges of murder, as well as being a suspect in the murder of a police officer. As it turns out, Melly had recorded a song entitled “Murder On My Mind” two years previously, so naturally the song blew the F up in the Spring of 2019, peaking in the Top 15 of the Hot 100 and sticking around long enough to make the 2019 Billboard Year-End List, and you know what, there is quite a bit redeeming about this song. The instrumentation is comprised of dour piano keys and typical trap percussion, and the second verse is a detailed recount of a fictional manslaughter that the narrator accidentally commits against his friend. However, the final verse is Melly bragging about how he’s a killer and he’s gonna shoot you if you F with him, which is quite awkward considering that Melly likely actually did commit actual murders, topped off by a devious laugh. However, the positive elements of this song keep it low on the list, but not off the list in its entirety.

#7: No Guidance by Chris Brown ft. Drake (Peak: #5, Year-End: #21)

While it’s not terrible, it drags on way too long, man. Others have pointed out this song’s problems way better than I could (or want to), but even though this is only four and a half minutes long, it feels much, much longer. Both artists have done worse, but that doesn’t give this exhausting slog of a song a pass.

#6: Swervin’ by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie ft. 6ix9ine (Peak: #38, Year-End: #82)

6ix9ne, ‘nuff said.
OK, I’ll elaborate a bit. A Boogie’s part of the song is just fine, although there are some strange lines about his girl freezing while they make love (I’m a good abstinent Catholic boy, and even I know that chicks don’t freeze when they engage in intimate sexual relations). However, 6ix9ine’s bit is such a stark change of tone from the rest of the song, as he’s doing his typical shouting thug schtick (or at least it was his schtick before he went to prison), which I find kinda funny if I’m being honest, but it throws off the song to the extent where it leapfrogged onto the list, but not into the bottom five, which are the songs that I truly cannot stand. Still, I’ll pass on this one.

#5: Pure Water by Mustard ft. Migos (Peak: #23, Year-End: #55)

We’ve finally reached the songs that I truly loathe, and to start it off we have a run of the mill trap song. The lyrics are just typical flexing about how many girls they screw and how much money they make, and the flows are pretty standard as well, albeit with more charisma than your typical mumble rappers (many of whom are blatantly ripping off the lads from Migos). However, where this really gets on my nerves is in the production. You see, there is this one horrible synth loop that plays throughout the whole song, and I cannot stand it. It sounds a bit like the Indian riff from Candy Shop by 50 Cent, but somehow even more grating. I don’t know who wanted to bring back Mid 2000s ringtone rap, but apparently that was something that DJ Mustard was all too willing to do. The guys from Migos may love @$$ and boobies (not using the word they actually used), but I do not love this song.

#4: Zeze by Kodak Black ft. Travis Scott and Offset (Peak: #2, Year-End: #31)

I actually don’t mind some of the elements of this song, notably the tropical steel pan drums put in the track. Travis and Offset are both perfectly fine here, so that leaves only one thing left: Kodak.
I’m not a fan of Kodak Black. Aside from giving his name to one of the worst songs of the entire 2010s (this song blows, don’t @ me) and being a general criminal scumbag (which others have talked about at much more length than I can), his rapping has never really tickled my fancy, and Zeze is no exception. While his verses are tolerable, if also incredibly incompetent, that hook is where my patience really runs out. There’s some effect put on Kodak’s voice that just makes it completely intolerable, and the “looking like I still do fraud” lyric goes to show why he’s currently facing a long, long time behind bars. It just makes me physically uncomfortable, and it makes this otherwise forgettable Hip-Hop song leapfrog into the Top 5 of this list.

#3: 7 Rings by Ariana Grande (Peak: #1, Year-End: #7)

Before Arianators come after me, I think that Ariana Grande is one of the most talented people in the current pop scene. She has made several songs that I enjoy (Breathin’, Break Free, Into You etc.) and I think she has the potential to be one of the defining pop stars of our generation (as if she isn’t already). However, 7 Rings is not one of those songs that I enjoy, nor do I think it should’ve ended up being one of the biggest hits of the year.
To start, the production is not the strongest she’s had. In contrast to the pulsating electropop of Break Free or the upbeat groove of Into You, 7 Rings is just a creepy sounding keyboard and stock trap beat. Aside from the Sound of Music interpolation (I’ve never seen that movie, FTR) and the generic hook, there’s this bridge where she tries this hard-ass flow, but it comes out sounding like she’s rapping in a foreign language (I’ve always joked that she decided to rap in French for that bit).
However, the lyrics are really where this song loses it. I’ve heard it’s supposed to be ironic, but her performance just doesn’t make it seem that way, she just sounds like an entitled rich girl. So you know what, just as I did for Earth in the honorable mentions, I’m going to list what I think are the five worst lyrics in 7 Rings by Ariana Grande.
1. “Whoever said money can't solve your problems, must not have had enough money to solve 'em”
2. “I bought a crib just for the closet.”
3. “When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yuh.”
4. “You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it.”
5. “Bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches. I'd rather spoil all my friends with my riches.”
I think the first lyric alone was enough to land 7 Rings a spot on the list, but the fact that these five aren’t even the entirety of bad lines in this wildly misconceived song lands it a solid spot on the podium of crap. Ari, you’re so much better than this.

#2: Baby by Lil Baby ft. DaBaby (Peak: #21, Year-End: #84)

I’m sure you guys may be surprised that this is so high on the list, above songs like 7 Rings and Zeze, but there are two very simple reasons for this. First, Lil Baby sucks. He is one of, if not the, least talented people in the current music scene, lacking in any sort of personality or charm. His voice is the epitome of Mumble Rap, and I can’t see him lasting for very long once the new rap trends come around in a year or two. As for DaBaby, he’s fine enough.
The second problem is the production. There’s this unsettling wub sound in the mix that really grinds my gears. It is one of the most irritating sounds that I’ve ever heard in a song, and lands this the 2nd place spot on this list (although I am questioning myself as to it being this high, and I may revise it’s placement if I ever do a video version of this list).

#1: Taki Taki by DJ Snake ft. Selena Gomez, Ozuna and Cardi B (Peak: #11, Year-End: #57)

So, here we are, the bottom of the barrel, the worst of the worst, the number one spot. As with Baby, there are two major problems that afflict this song, with the first being Ozuna.
I’m not gonna mince words here, Ozuna sucks. He might just be even less talented than Lil Baby, and that is saying something. His voice is so squeaky and pitchy that a song automatically becomes worse with him on it, but it’s not like this song had much potential in the first place due to our second problem.
I’m not a Reggaeton fan. Don’t get me wrong, there are exceptions, I’m cool with Despacito for example, but the genre on whole is quite underwhelming. It always uses the same “dun da dun dun” beat, has lyrics that are the same as any mumble rap song, just with the language changed, and has a tendency to include really, really annoying and grating sounds. Taki Taki has all of these problems, but especially in the latter category. The flute sound that plays after the hook is up there with the dying goat from Mi Gente for most annoying sound that I’ve ever heard in a pop song, and most of the rest of the production isn’t much better, mostly just being said flute pitched down a bit, which makes it a bit more tolerable, I guess, but not enough to give this song a pass, or to take it off the top of this list. Taki Taki by DJ Snake ft. Selena Gomez, Ozuna and Cardi B, The Worst Hit Song of 2019. Take care, folks, I’ll see you in the best list.