Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016

 Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016

Welcome back to Gabingston’s blog, and today we’re looking at the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016. Now, I remember the quality of popular music taking a nosedive in 2016, which led me to quit pop music until Late 2018. Combined with the bad reputation this year has garnered among YouTube’s music review community, I came into this year with very low expectations. After listening to the entire 2016 Year-End list, I can confirm that this was indeed a subpar year for music. Hip-Hop and R&B devolved into dull mumbling, Pop and EDM became stale, Country was nearly nonexistent and Rock… well, it’s pretty much dead. Taking all this into consideration, 2016 got a score of 53.3/100, the lowest score I have awarded any year I’ve looked at thus far (the previous low score was 54.4/100 set by 2017). Let’s not waste any more time and get straight onto the list, starting with our Dishonorable Mentions!

Dishonorable Mention: One Call Away by Charlie Puth (Peak: #12, Year-End: #43)

This… isn’t actually all that bad. I mean, the music’s fine, Charlie Puth is a solid singer and the lyrics, while pretty lame, aren’t all that egregious. So, why is this in the dishonorable mentions?

“Superman got nothing on me”

OHH, that’s why!

Dishonorable Mention: Starving by Hailee Steinfeld and Grey ft. Zedd (Peak: #12, Year-End: #94)

Clumsy lyrics (especially on the chorus) + personality-less (if also really pretty) singer + grating drop = Starving by Hailee Steinfeld. While it’s not bad per se, I’ve also heard a lot better.

Dishonorable Mention: Work by Rihanna ft. Drake (Peak: #1, Year-End: #4)

Man, this Rihanna/Drake collab sure does exist, doesn’t it?

Dishonorable Mention: Pillowtalk by Zayn (Peak: #1, Year-End: #22)

When I ranked Every #1 Hit of the 2010s for a Pulse Rankdown a while back, Pillowtalk was the second lowest song on the ranking, and while my thoughts on it have mellowed out significantly since then, I still think this song is a mess. The production is compressed to the point where it sounds stiff, Zayn’s singing way too hard on the chorus and the lyrics are trying their best to be profound, but just end up being baffling (seriously, why would your bedroom be a warzone?). Sure, it’s not as bad as I once thought it was, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea.

Dishonorable Mention: Work From Home by Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign (Peak: #4, Year-End: #16)

Here’s the premise of this song: the girls are going to get their partners fired from their jobs so that they can be have lots of sex. Combine that with lots of clumsy metaphors and pitchy singing from Camila, and you get a wildly misconceived song that was kept out of the Bad Tier by a catchy (if also incredibly dated) beat.

Dishonorable Mention: Hands To Myself by Selena Gomez (Peak: #7, Year-End: #56)

Alright, we’ve now arrived at the songs that I would go as far as to call outright bad. For the first of these songs, we have Selena Gomez trying to be sensual and seductive, which shouldn’t be too hard for a woman as gorgeous as her, and yet she just sounds like she’s trying wayyyy too hard. Sorry, that type of whisper singing isn’t sexy. Also, the whole premise of the song (that she can’t keep her hands to herself) is blown apart right at the end of the song.

“I mean I could, but why would I want to?”

Ba dum tss.

Dishonorable Mention: Hide Away by Daya (Peak: #23, Year-End: #84)

There were several artists who briefly blew up in 2016, and while I can’t say that Daya was the worst of them, I still think she was pretty pointless. For example, her debut single Hide Away is quite a mess. The production sounds really cheap, Daya’s voice is pitchy as heck and the lyrics are about her desperation to find a boy, which directly contradicts her next single, Sit Still Look Pretty, which was all about how she doesn’t need a boy in her life. Also, the bridge before the final chorus is repetitive to the point of annoyance. Yeah, I don’t think it’s any wonder that she disappeared after only one year of fame.

Dishonorable Mention: Oui by Jeremih (Peak: #19, Year-End: #55)

Alright, we’ve arrived at the final cut for the list. While completely innocuous lyrically (it’s actually kind of a sweet song), the production is a cluttered mess and I’m not a fan of Jeremih’s voice. Sure, he’s had more questionable songs in his career, but that doesn’t make this mess any better. So, what could be the #10 pick on this list. Well, I might want to take a nap after talking about it.

#10: Lost Boy by Ruth B (Peak: #24, Year-End: #76)

It’s… just… so… boring. Seriously, this makes Feelings by Morris Albert look like a Prog Rock epic by comparison. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t go that far, that song is really lame as well, but that doesn’t mean that Lost Boy isn’t anything but a bore. Instrumentally, it’s just a piano ballad, and while there are great piano ballads, it’s safe to say that this isn’t one of them. Much of that comes down to Ruth B’s singing, which sounds like Rihanna if any semblance of personality or charisma was stripped away. It’s almost impossible to describe how bland her vocals are. As for her lyrics, they’re literally just a Peter Pan fan fic, nothing more, nothing less. I will say, this would be a great song to play at nap time for kindergarteners, this should get them to sleep pretty fast. Ruth B, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re a nice lady, but I’m not gonna lie and say that this isn’t a snoozefest.

#9: 2 Phones/Really Really by Kevin Gates (Peak: #17/#46, Year-End: #57/#92)

I mentioned a few slots ago that there were quite a few One Year Wonders in 2016, one of whom was Kevin Gates, who put out two subpar hits this year before disappearing from the face of the earth. 

First up, 2 Phones. It shouldn’t be much of a question why this made the list, it’s a stupid idea for a song. Listen, I get that it’s likely meant as a joke, but it’s not one that I find particularly funny. I’ve made it by just fine with one phone, and while I don’t begrudge you if you use two phones, I don’t find it particularly necessary.

Alright, how about Really Really, which made the Year-End list despite peaking at #46? Well, it’s just as laughable. It’s all about how real he is, despite it sounding just as much like a joke song as 2 Phones. Listen, I just don’t resonate with these songs, alright? I’m not very good at explaining why I dislike them, I just do. This guy isn’t even relevant anymore, so I’m just gonna move on to #8.

#8: Exchange by Bryson Tiller (Peak: #26, Year-End: #53)

Now, this is a song I haven’t seen on a lot (if any) Worst of 2016 lists, and I can certainly understand why.

Is there anything objectionable in the lyrical content? No, it’s about seeking a deeper, more committed relationship, and I can appreciate that.

Is Bryson Tiller a bad singer? Not really. Sure, he isn’t really my type, but that by no means makes him bad (I’d rate his vocals a solid 5/10).

Is the production cheap or grating? No, it’s perfectly passable Trap-R&B, not my preferred flavor of R&B, but definitely passable. Well, all except for one thing: THAT DAMN SAMPLE!

Seriously, I CANNOT STAND the background vocal sample. The original vocal run from the beginning of Swing My Way, a Dance-infused Hip-Hop hit from 1998 is fine, but it’s pitched up to the point of annoyance and repeated to no end, and if there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s annoying, repetitive sounds (probably my mild Autism speaking). It’s not too common for one little thing like that to single handedly ruin a song, but alas, that was the case with this one.

#7: Wicked by Future (Peak: #41, Year-End: #97)

Ooh boy, Future. I’m totally expecting to understand each and every bar from this guy. Yeah, Future is widely cited as a pioneer of the Mumble Rap genre that dominated the charts from 2016-2018, which brings me to Wicked, his most minor hit in 2016. The song starts off with a blast of noise (including an MLG airhorn), before devolving into the most standard trap beat in the history of standard trap beats, where Future proceeds to mumble half-unintelligibly, throwing in lines like “I put that lingo on her, she was Spanish”, “I want green, green, green, all asparagus” and “Married to the game, I'm the s**t”. The hook is just Future repeating the word “wicked” a dozen or two times, only a few of which I could understand. This song barely scraped onto the Year-End list and didn’t even hit the Top 40, and it’s not like I don’t understand why it didn’t take off, because it’s not good.

#6: Back To Sleep by Chris Brown (Peak: #20, Year-End: #89)

Wow, Chris Brown is making a worst list, such a surprise! Yeah, Chris Brown is a common punching bag in the music review community, and I’ve done my fair share of dunking on him (he’s made my worst lists for 2019, 2010, 2008, 2012 and now 2016, as well as appearing as a Dishonorable Mention on my 2014 worst list). While he has some good songs like Forever and Yeah 3x, most of his discography ranges from mediocre to outright unbearable, with this song falling somewhere in between the two.

Now, I’ve got to start by saying that this is not a bad sounding song, quite the contrary. The smooth R&B production is actually pretty dang good, and Chris doesn’t sound bad at all behind the mic. However, why this song makes the list is because of what he’s singing. You see, this is about Chris Brown coming home in the middle of the night, but rather than entering gracefully and clocking out, he insists on waking his girl.

“I know you got work pretty early, I'll be around 'bout 3: 30

Usually you done by one, so baby when I wake you up

Just let me rock, f**k you back to sleep girl

Don't say a word no (no, don't you talk)

Just hold on tight to me girl

F**k you back to sleep girl rock you back”

Oh, the first line in that lyrical sample reminds me of something, SHE WORKS IN THE MORNING! Chris, don’t you care about your GF’s job, she could get fired!

“Ain't sorry that I woke ya, I ain't sorry 'bout ya job

Call sick in the morning so I can get a little bit more of your love

I know you want me, how you feel me cause you never disagree

So when you wake from your sleep, girl”

Nope, apparently not. Seriously, not only are the lyrics awful, but I could see a song like this working, which arguably makes it worse. Believe me, I don’t want to be bashing Chris Brown this much, but I’m sorry, this ain’t good.

#5: Down In The DM by Yo Gotti (Peak: #13, Year-End: #69)

Another day, another subpar trap song making my worst list, who’da thunk? Yeah, this is a pretty generic trap song with a generic-ass beat and an almost as generic MC, which begs the question? Why is this in the bottom five of my worst list? Well, as with Back To Sleep, that comes down to the lyrical content, which is about stealing other guys’ girls on Instagram.

“I see your girl post her BM, so I hit her in her DM

All eyes yeah I see 'em, yeah this your man I hate to be him (whoop)

It goes down in the DM (it go down) it go down in the DM (it go down, it go... down)

It goes down in the DM (it go down) it go down in the DM (it go down, it go... down)”

Listen, I know these songs aren’t meant to be taken seriously, but I’m a “critic”, so there are times where I have to ignore the fact that it’s not meant to be serious and criticize morally questionable lyrics at face value. Thus, I award this song three points out of 10 and put it at #5 on this list. Now, how about one of the most aggressively lame songs ever made?

#4: I Hate U I Love U by Gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (Peak: #10, Year-End: #38)

Folks, I present unto you the single boringest, most insipid song ever made. First, let’s talk about the vocals. Gnash put literally no passion or effort into his sing-rapping, but still ends up sounding overly angry and bitter (likely because of the unnecessary curse words he threw in his verse). As for the guest vocalist Olivia O’Brien? Well, you know how I said that Ruth B had no personality? Olivia O’Brien makes her sound like Whitney Houston by comparison. She is a personality black hole, having the single most generic White girl voice I’ve ever heard, and believe me, 2016 was not short on generic White girl voices (see Daya and Kiiara for more info on that). This is mirrored in the composition, which is quite possibly the most lifeless that I’ve ever heard.

Okay, so maybe the lyrics are the focus of this song? After all, it is a piano ballad, so it goes to figure that extra emphasis on the lyrics, right? Well, what if said lyrics were utter trite? It’s supposed to be a duet, but Gnash and Olivia’s don’t seem to connect on any level. It’s like they stitched two already bad songs together to make a song that was super bad. Gnash is “singing” about how he’s bitter and sad over a breakup, while Olivia O’Brien is singing about how much she wants him despite him paying attention to another girl (presumably the one he broke up with). They have literally nothing to do with each other. I HATED this song back in 2016, and four years of hindsight and a fresh have not changed a thing. So, what could be worse?

#3: Needed Me by Rihanna (Peak: #7, Year-End: #13)

Yup, it’s time to talk about Rihanna again. She’s the most inconsistent artist in popular music, and this song, Needed Me, unfortunately falls far on the bad end of the scale. It’s not quite as awful as Birthday Cake, but it’s still a steaming pile of garbage.

First, the production is awful. It’s trying to sound dark and bruting, but just ends up sounding lethargic and sleep-inducing. DJ Mustard has made some good beats (Ballin’ for example), but this sure isn’t one of them. Rihanna sounds just as tired, trying for badassery and failing miserably. As for the lyrics, they’re about how much the target of the song (“you”) needed Riri to get by, but how she totally didn’t need him (even though she sounds like she downed a few painkillers) and how he was “just another guy on the hit list” (although using a different word for guy). Once again, this isn’t Rihanna’s worst song (yeah, Birthday Cake has got that title down pretty securely), but it isn’t all that far off. On another note, any of y’all want to see who the worst new artist of 2016 was?

#2: Panda/Tiimmy Turner by Desiigner (Peak: #1/#34, Year-End: #6/#98)

You know what, I’ll just get it out of the way right here: Desiigner sucked. I mean, here’s a frickin’ Future knockoff, and I can tell you that we sure didn’t need anyone ripping off an artist who isn’t very good in the first place.

Okay, let’s start off with his big hit, Panda. The beat is generic AF, probably bought for like 20 bucks on any given build-a-beat website. The lyrics are generic bars about screwing b*tches, getting rich and being a badass, with Desiigner lacking any charisma to remotely sell it (he is a Future wannabe, after all). However, the worst element of the song would definitely be the relentlessly annoying ad-libs, which play throughout the entire dang song. They wear out their welcome almost instantly, and I can’t stand having to hear them throughout most of the song. When I ranked all the #1 Hits of the 2010s, this was the fourth lowest song, and even that might be too generous to this steaming turd.

However, his much less successful follow up Tiimmy Turner might be even worse. It has all the problems of Panda, Desiigner’s incomprehensible mumbling, nonsensical lyrics and annoying ad-libs, but it adds on a grating beat with a dental drill synth. It’s clearly trying to be The Hills, but it just ends up being one giant clusterf**k. The last minute of the song switches to a far less grating beat and is significantly more tolerable, which is what kept it from taking the #1 spot, but it’s still an absolutely dreadful song. Fortunately, the public woke up and said “wait a minute, we already have one Future, we don’t need another” and cast Desiigner off into irrelevance, but the damage was already done, as he left behind two of the worst hits of 2016, and yet, neither of them took the #1 spot.

My #1 pick is what I believe summed up everything wrong with popular music in 2016. From dour Trap beats to major artists phoning it in and ceasing to give even the slightest crap about their product, this is the ultimate bad 2016 song, and it could have only come from the most inexplicably popular artist in the current music scene. So, congrats Drake, you’re officially the king of crap.

#1: Pop Style by Drake ft. The Throne (Peak: #16, Year-End: #82)

As far as I’m aware, I haven’t talked about my thoughts on Drake at length, so how about I do that? So, here are my thoughts on Drake: He’s the single most underwhelming artist in the music industry. Seriously, he’s been pumping out hits constantly since 2009, and yet I can only name one song of his that I actually like (that one being Hold On We’re Going Home, and even that is only a 7.5/10, not good enough to make a best list). The rest of his discography ranges from passable (Find Your Love, Take Care, Nice For What etc.) to outright awful, and this song, Pop Style, obviously is in the latter category.

First off, the beat is creepy and dour. Now, a creepy and dour atmosphere can work in a song (once again, The Hills by The Weeknd is a perfect example), but only if it’s intended to be that way. This, on the other hand, fell into the trap that B*tches Love Me by Lil Wayne fell into, creepy but without any reason to be. 

Next up, the performers. First up, Drake. This was well past the point when Drake stopped giving a damn about his music, so he drops a lifeless, mediocre hook and verse about all the things you’d expect a Drake song to be about (with the stupid “Got so many chains they call me Chaining Tatum” pun). Overall, it’s as effortless as I’d expect a post-2013 Drake song to be. 

Now, how about “The Throne” referenced in the title card? Well, “The Throne” is Jay-Z and Kanye West, two of the most famous and successful rappers of this century. Jay-Z was only given two lines, so he’s basically a non-presence. As for Kanye, well, he didn’t put much effort in either, Drake’s lack of trying is clearly contagious. To be honest, I don’t want to talk about this song anymore. In fact, I don’t even know if it’s worth putting at #1. Tiimmy Turner has far deeper lows and I Hate U I Love U is even more pathetic, but since I don’t make retroactive edits to my initial rankings, this is my pick for The Worst Hit Song of 2016… maybe. In a few days, I will put out the Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2016… with no Honorable Mentions. Yes, this year was that pathetic. Take care and have a good day, I’ll see you next time.