Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2018

 Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2018

After a few months away, it is finally time to get back to reviewing, and for my not so triumphant return, I’ll be taking a look at a year I had zero expectations for, 2018. This was the year I started getting into the music review side of YouTube, and I remember this year being roundly trashed by reviewers during the Year-End list season, and combined with 2016 and 2017 being underwhelming years for music, I came in expecting 2018 to be much the same. So, was this year as bad as I thought it would be?

Eh, kinda.

As with the two preceding years of 2016 and 2017, Trap music completely dominated this Year-End list, most of which was completely mediocre and forgettable. Non-Trap varieties of Hip-Hop were pretty scarce outside of the Black Panther soundtrack, and they were pretty inconsistent on the whole. Mainstream Pop resorted to pumping out bland, inoffensive radio filler in response to the Trap onslaught, so most of 2018’s Pop hits were in the 6/10 range. EDM had lost the energy and bombast it had earlier in the decade, and while I did enjoy a lot of it, 2018’s EDM offerings don’t hit the same highs that the genre did earlier in the decade. Rock was pretty much irrelevant (as was the case in most of the 2010s) and Country… actually had a pretty good year, although that might be my own personal bias, considering that Country is probably my favorite genre. 2018 didn’t have as much outright bad music as I thought it would, but it didn’t have much great music either, and some of the songs that will be on my best list I wasn’t even sure of calling 5/5 instead of 4/5. I’d say that this was a lot like 2017, but with less extremes, which I’d say is a positive, since the low points in 2017 were really, REALLY low. Overall, the 87 songs that debuted on the 2018 Billboard Year-End Hot 100 got a combined score of 255/435, or a 58.6/100, the exact same score as 2014 and just above 2019, although I think my threshold for what counts as 0/5 is higher than it was when I made those two lists, so take that score with a grain of salt. Anyway, let’s get to talking about the worst songs of this dull, dull year, starting with #10 (I was too bored to include Dishonorable Mentions on this list).

#10: Yes Indeed by Lil Baby and Drake (Peak: #6, Year-End: #25)

To begin the list, we have a song that appeared on a crapton of Worst of 2018 lists at the time, and spoiler alert, this list is going to be filled with predictable picks. 

Yes Indeed is your archetypal bad Trap song, and there’s honestly not a whole lot left to say about it. Aside from the faint sound in the background, the beat is a stock Trap beat that probably took half an hour to compose. Drake is his usual boring self, and Lil Baby gives one of the worst first impressions I can think of. When people think of Mumble Rap, this is probably what they are thinking of. He sounds like he drank a few beers before going into the studio to give the laziest performance he could possibly give. The lyrics are just a list of Trap cliches, you’ve got hoes, luxury items, dissing the haters, talking about starting from the bottom, the only thing missing would be drugs or lean. The only two moderately memorable lines is the mildly anti-semitic line about his Jewish lawyer charging him a lot, and the time he goes “wah wah wah, b*tch I’m Lil Baby”. Really, there’s not much more I can squeeze out of this bland, forgettable song, so let’s move on to a song that has become everyone’s favorite punching bag.

#9: Gucci Gang by Lil Pump (Peak: #3, Year-End: #44)

Surprise, everyone! Gucci Gang is one of the most infamously bad songs of the 2010s, and for good reason. Gucci Gang is one of the laziest songs ever made, and its laziness was rewarded by becoming a top 5 hit on the Hot 100. A lot of the same tropes that infect Yes Indeed are also present here. The lyrics in the “chorus” are mindlessly repetitive, with half of it just repeating the title line. The one verse is mostly just cliches, with details/bad lines bragging about how he and his grandma do meds, how his teacher raped him and his beef with WestJet, who kicked him off of a flight before the song’s release due to him being intoxicated and annoying other passengers. Really, I think that Bart Baker’s parody does a good job summarizing this song. While it may have been huge at the time in Late 2017-Early 2018, it has become a punchline as of late, and the man who made it has had his career dry up. I don’t have much more I can say about this song, so I’m just gonna move on to #8.

#8: Be Careful by Cardi B (Peak: #11, Year-End: #59)

Welcome back, Cardi B, it’s nice to see you again. Cardi B has been a regular on my worst lists for the past few years, and that is going to continue this year as well. After breaking out the previous year with Bodak Yellow, a “song” so horrendously awful that she should be tried at The Hague for crimes against humanity, Cardi had massive success in 2018, second only to Drake. While none of her hits this year were anywhere near as terrible as Bodak Yellow, she still didn’t leave any favorable impression on me in 2018, with one exception that I’ll be getting to in the very near future. 

One of her worst hits this year was Be Careful, a song about her partner Offset cheating on her. Now, let me make this clear, the lyrics are 100% NOT the problem with this song. Cardi is laying it all out here, talking about what he’s done to her and how he’s broken her heart. While it’s far from perfect, it’s probably the best set of lyrics Cardi B has ever put out, at least on her hits. So, what is the problem here?

You guys remember when I talked about Therefore I Am by Billie Eilish in my Winter 2021 Top 20 Ranking a few months back? In that ranking, I said that Billie’s delivery was a huge turn off that single handedly ruined the song. Well, that’s the case here, because I do not like Cardi B’s delivery. It sounds like she’s talking directly to me, and while I know that this was not intended this way, it still manages to get under my skin. That alone is the reason this song is on this list, and while it may have song positive qualities, it’s entirely ruined by my own subjective annoyance. Now, how about some more easy targets?

#7: Te Boté by Casper Magico, Nio Garcia, Darell, Nicky Jam, Ozuna & Bad Bunny (Peak: #36, Year-End: #81)

After the smashing success of Despacito in 2017, Spanish music made a massive breakthrough in the American market. While there’d been Spanish and Latin-tinged hits here and there throughout Billboard history (most notably in the Late 90s), it had never seen as much success as it had in the Late 2010s. This mainly came in the form of Reggaeton, a Dancehall and Hip-Hop derived genre from Puerto Rico that made its mainstream breakthrough with the aforementioned Despacito. There were a few Reggaeton hits in the bottom quarter of the Year-End list, the biggest and worst of which was Te Boté.

To begin, the beat is completely lifeless. In contrast to the upbeat Despacito, this beat has no energy or flare to it. It uses the stock “dun-da-dun-da” beat that nearly every Reggaeton song uses, with nothing more aside from a dreary piano. Each of the six performers are different, yet not in a good way. Ozuna is the only one that stands out, but that’s only because he’s doing his typical screeching, all the others sound like they couldn’t give two f**ks about the song. Now, how about the lyrical content?

Being a dumb gringo, I’m not fluent in any language except for English (I did take four years of French in high schoo, but I’ve forgotten most of it in the two years since I graduated). However, I can simply pull up the translation to get the gist of this song. Just looking at it on google translate, “Te Boté” directly translates to “I dumped you”, and that’s a pretty good indication of what this song is about. It’s an extremely bitter song where these six dudes complain about their exes (who presumably all live in Texas), often times in quite unpleasant and flat out mean ways. You can go check out a ton of other Worst of 2018 lists for more details on the lyrics, but there’s one more thing I’m gonna say about this song: IT’S SEVEN FRICKIN’ MINUTES LONG! Yes, this dull and monotonous Reggaeton song is a minute longer than Bohemian Rhapsody, and almost as long as Stairway To Heaven and November Rain. It might be the longest hit song of the 2010s, and it honestly just becomes background noise, which is why it’s not higher on the list. On another note, how about possibly the most hated song of the entire year?

#6: Freaky Friday by Lil Dicky ft. Chris Brown (Peak: #8, Year-End: #55)

I’m going to keep this short, because I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. The jokes in this song are the most obvious, predictable and stereotypical jokes imaginable. Lil Dicky ends up in Chris Brown’s body, and reacts by suddenly becoming good at basketball, getting a bigger dong and saying the N word. Chris Brown becomes Lil Dicky, and complains about having a small cock, but winds up enjoying the anonymity that comes with being a more minor celebrity (as well as not being judged). They end up switching back at the end, and they both learn to live comfortably in their own skin. The song then ends with Lil Dicky becoming other celebrities, including the infamous “I’m Kendall Jenner! I got a vagina!” gag. If there’s one compliment I can give this song, it’s that the beat is pretty good, but that’s not enough to make up for the song being cringe (although I’m not personally offended by it, there aren’t many songs that personally offend me). On another note, here’s a song that is about as far from funny as possible…

#5: Sad by XXXTentacion (Peak: #1, Year-End: #17)

“Suicide, if you ever try to let go”

R.I.P. XXXTentacion, but I’m not letting that line off the hook. While that awful line may be the main reason this song makes the list, it’s not the only one. The song is just all around miserable. XXX moaps about his girlfriend leaving him, while explicitly saying that he’s not going to do anything to change the situation (“I won't fix, I'd rather weep”). Putting aside his troubled personal life, that is unproductive at best and pathetic at worst. Once again, R.I.P. to X, but this song ain’t good. Next!

#4: Bartier Cardi by Cardi B ft. 21 Savage (Peak: #14, Year-End: #61)

Nope, I’m not done with Cardi B just yet, because Be Careful wasn’t even her worst hit of 2018. That dishonor goes to Bartier Cardi, which is basically the diet version of Bodak Yellow. Not an atrocity against music like that song, but still very, very bad indeed.

To begin, let’s talk about the beat. This beat just flat out sucks. It’s primarily composed of some sort of dark, vaguely Middle Eastern synth line with standard, cheap trap percussion in the background. Lyrically, it’s about exactly what you’d expect a Cardi B song to be about. Let’s see what one of the great poets of our time has concocted:

“Your b*tch wanna party with Cardi

Cartier Bardi in a 'Rari (21)

Diamonds all over my body (Cardi)

Shinin' all over my body (my body)

Cardi got your b*tch on molly

B*tch, you ain't gang, you lame

Bentley truck lane to lane

Blow out the brain (21)

I go insane, insane

I drop a check on the chain

F**k up a check in the plane

Cardi took your man, you upset, uh

Cardi got rich, they upset, yeah

Cardi put the p***y on Offset (Say what?)

Cartier, Cardi B brain on Offset (21)

Cardi took your man, you upset, uh

Cardi got rich, they upset, yeah

Cardi put the p***y on Offset (Cardi)

Cartier, Cardi B brain on Offset (Cardi)”

Truly brilliant poetry, such exquisite work. Seriously, why is she referring to herself in the third person? Who is she, Bob Dole? If you think the rest of the lyrics are any better or more complex, well, you’d be wrong. It’s just your typical flexing that one would expect from Cardi B. As for guest artist 21 Savage, well, he’s got this gem of a line:

“I pulled the rubber off and I put hot sauce on her t*tties”

That line was the sole source of enjoyment I got out of this terrible song. I’m starting to think that #4 was too low for this awful, awful song, but it’ll have to do for now.

#3: Plug Walk by Rich The Kid (Peak: #13, Year-End: #57)

This was a song that snuck up on me in how bad it was. I hadn’t remembered a lot of people hating it back in 2018, and I wasn’t expecting to hate it, and yet I did. 

I’ll begin with the beat. It has some sort of weird, spacey keyboard sound in the background, with generic trap 808s laid on top. I am a little bit off put by it, but it’s not THAT bad. The lyrics aren’t all that offensive, it’s pretty generic flexing that one would find in any other Hip-Hop song from 2018. No, what really bothers me is Rich The Kid himself.

He is not just untalented.

He is EXCEPTIONALLY untalented.

He has so little talent that it actively annoys me. He displays very little personality on this song, and whatever personality he does display is the most amateurish and lousy kind. This is at the very bottom of the Trap barrel, and that is saying something. Now, I did mention that I might’ve put Bartier Cardi a spot too low, but I don’t think this is undeserving of being this low either. However, for as much as this song sucks, it was never going to beat out my next song.

#2: Gummo by 6ix9ine (Peak: #12, Year-End: #56)

Eh, screw it, might as well put #1 up there as well.

#1: Fefe by 6ix9ine ft. Nicki Minaj (Peak: #3, Year-End: #31)

6ix9ine has pulled off a clean sweep of the bottom two spots on this list, joining Kesha/3OH!3 in 2010 and Britney Spears in 2008 as the only artists to have achieved this feat of awfulness. I’ll start off with Gummo at #2 before moving onto Fefe at #1. The two songs are basically interchangeable in terms of awfulness, but I’ve got my reasons for the order I put them in.

First, I’ll talk about Gummo, the song I put at #2. Don’t let that fool you, however, because Gummo is an absolutely dreadful song. The beat - which 6ix9ine stole, by the way - sets an ominous, dark atmosphere that immediately lets you know what the song is about. 6ix9ine is just shouting and screaming about committing crimes, screiwing girls and yelling the N word as much as your stereotypical Xbox Live gamer. Oh, and there’s this gem of a line:

“I don't f**k with no old hoes, only new hoes

Put my d*ck in her backbone, I pass her to my bro”

Considering that this guy was arrested on charges of distributing child porn, that line suddenly becomes a lot more troubling. If Gummo does have one redeeming quality, it’s that the “I'm on some rob a n***a shit, take a n***a b*tch” hook is mildly catchy, but everything else about Gummo is horrendous.

Now, what if you took Gummo but stripped away any energy the song had? Well, then you’d get Fefe, a song so worthless and inane that even 6ix9ine himself said it makes no sense. The beat is eerie and off-putting, lacking in any energy while inducing a headache. Nicki Minaj is on here, but she’s pretty much a non-presence. As I mentioned earlier, the lyrics mostly make no sense - mostly, there is an exception:

“Say they killing people but I really f**king do it”

This dude ain’t lying, he was sentenced to prison for murder conspiracies. 

Listen, I get that 6ix9ine is basically a real life troll, and if there’s one thing you don’t do, it’s feed a troll. However, it’s 6ix9ine we’re talking about here, of course I’m going to trash talk him. If none of the other critics and reviewers that have trashed him have ended up dead, I think I’m pretty safe here. Gummo and Fefe by 6ix9ine, The Worst Hit(s) of 2018. The best list will be up within the month, and until then, I’m gonna say goodbye.