Billboard Top 20 Ranked: Spring 2020

Billboard Top 20 Ranked: Spring 2020

Week of April 18th, 2020

With a global pandemic raging, the economy cratering and me stuck inside because my employer shut down dining, I figured that I had nothing better to do than rank the current Top 20 (also, I do a ranking every three months, and whaddaya know, it’s been three months). I’ve heard many people say that 2020 has been a great year for music so far, and while I can sorta see where they’re coming from, I’ve gotta disagree. Now, don’t get me wrong, this chart isn’t bad, but it’s not at all different from my last two rankings, scoring a 60/100. There’s a song in every tier, so for the first time, you’ll get to see me introduce the…

TERRIBLE TIER

#20: Hot Girl Bummer by Blackbear (This Week: #17)

Really? We’re giving this hack a second hit? You may recall that Blackbear’s first hit Do Re Mi was #4 on my Worst of 2017 list, and Hot Girl Bummer might be even worse. It’s one of the most unlikeable songs I’ve ever heard. While the production isn’t too bad (I do admittedly appreciate some of the Rock influences), Blackbear comes across as a total dick, and the lyrics reinforce that perception, with lines like “F**k you and you and you”, “dis dat Hot Girl Bummer anthem turn it up and throw a tantrum”, and who could forget the classic “I’m pulling up with an Emo chick that’s broken”. I don’t begrudge you if you like this song, but I don’t, and I’d prefer if I don’t have to talk about this again until December, moving on.

BAD TIER

#19: I Hope by Gabby Barrett (This Week: #20)

See, there is Country music I don’t like. The vengeful lyrics hoping for her ex’s new girlfriend to wreck his life after he cheated on Gabby attempt to establish sympathy, but I’m sorry, it just doesn’t, probably because the production around Gabby’s voice makes her sound as shrill and grating as possible. Who knows, maybe this’ll grow on me, but right now, I’m not a fan.

#18: My Oh My by Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby (This Week: #13)

Hey, you know what the charts need right now? How about a bad version of Havana. Double Agent jokes aside, the third time really was the charm for Camila Cabello to suck. While her personality usually allows me to get past her subpar vocal range, she doesn’t have any adorableness here, just the attitude of a twelve year old rebelling against her parents. This is particularly true on those awful two sentences that make up the “chorus”, “I sWeaR oN mY lIfE tHaT i’VE bEen a g0oD gIrL!!! ToNIgHt i d0n’T wAnT t0 bE hEr!” DaBaby is on here, and while he’s far from bad, he’s not the lightning in a bottle that was Young Thug on the original song (who has now appeared on two of my best lists despite sounding like a goose). Camila, you can do so much better than this.

MEDIOCRE TIER

#17: Life Is Good by Future ft. Drake (This Week: #5)

Ironic title aside, this is a very, very boring song. Quick note, I got the results for this tier via a preference revealer, so take the results for this and the Great Tier with a grain of salt. Anyway, Drake’s verse is okay (aside from admitting to tax fraud), but I’m sorry, Future just ruins it. Not only is his part longer than Drake’s, but it’s also horrendously lame, featuring a stock trap beat that was probably bought for 20 bucks and Future’s trademark mumbling. Granted, there have been far, FAR worse Future/Drake collabs, but that doesn’t make this any good.

#16: Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi (This Week: #11)

I’ve talked about this enough, next.

#15: Intentions by Justin Bieber ft. Quavo (This Week: #9)

It’s really, really boring. I don’t have much to say aside from that.

#14: Roxanne by Arizona Zervas (This Week: #16)

Nope, it hasn’t grown on me. I’m still not a fan of the lyrics (cough cough “She keeps coming back only cause I pay her”), but hey, at least it’s not Hot Girl Bummer.

#13: Blueberry Faygo by Lil Mosey (This Week: #18)

As with Roxanne in the last ranking, I’ll have to think a bit more about this song. On the one hand, I like the chill, tropical vibe of the opening keyboard and sax sample, but the clap track and bass don’t sound good laid over it. The lyrics are your typical sex and money cliches that have been done a million times before. Lil Mosey isn’t a very compelling performer either (although he’s helped by a bouncy melody), so it adds up to a 5/10, or at least for now.

#12: Toosie Slide by Drake (This Week: #1)

So, this just debuted at #1, eh? I don’t get it, it’s really boring, as per usual for Drake. Hopefully this doesn’t lead to another Drakepocalpyse like we had in 2018, but now that I’ve said that, it’s probably gonna happen. May the Lord save us all…

#11: Savage by Megan Thee Stallion (This Week: #14)

I LOL whenever I hear the intro where she goes “I’m that b*tch, been that b*tch, still that b*tch, will forever be that b*tch”, and the rest of the song is just as hilarious, whether Megan intended it to be that way or not. I almost put in in the Bad Tier when I first heard it, but it actually ended up above all the other songs in this tier, because at least it could give me a reaction, even if it was facepalming while laughing hysterically.

DECENT TIER

#10: The Box by Roddy Ricch (This Week: #3)

EEH URR! Yup, The Box grew on me since the last ranking. The beat provides a dark, gothic atmosphere, and Roddy Ricch employs a wide variety of flows (unlike Sheck Wes). However, some of the lyrics are a bit much (“she’s suckin’ on d*ck, no hands with it”), so that keeps it from going any higher. Still, I fully get why this was at #1 for 11 weeks and will likely end up becoming the biggest hit song of 2020.

#9: Memories by Maroon 5 (This Week: #15)

The Box wasn’t the only song to go from the Mediocre Tier to the Decent Tier for this ranking. Sure, it’s almost impressively lame and is certainly tailored for middle-aged white moms (I.E. my mom), but the Pachebel’s Canon melody is still as strong as ever. Basically, this was what a good half of the songs on the 1992 Year-End list I just got done listening to were like, completely bland and milquetoast, but nowhere near offensive enough to get mad at.

GOOD TIER

#8: Adore You by Harry Styles (This Week: #7)

Of all the former 1D members, it looks as though Harry is having the best solo career, and Adore You is pretty good evidence for that. While it hasn’t fully clicked (yet), it’s still a dang good pop song, with a funky groove and lyrics about how much he feels for this woman. Keep it up, this could very well grow on me.

#7: The Bones by Maren Morris (This Week: #12)

Well, this is quite timely, isn’t it? A song about how strong foundations can get you through hard times, it’s no wonder this has become a major hit right now. The only issue I have with this song is that it shouldn’t be marketed as a Country song when it’s clearly much more of a Pop song, but other than that, it gets a thumbs up. Now, how about the songs that got two thumbs up?

GREAT TIER

#6: Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish (This Week: #10)

Go read my winter ranking if you want a more in-depth description of my thoughts on this. While this has shrunk on me a bit because the backing vocals on the chorus get under my skin a bit, it’s still deserving of the full 5/5 score, mainly because of the final post-chorus. 

#5: Heartless by The Weeknd (This Week: #19)

Yup, this has moved up a tier since January. Sure, it’s dirtier than a pig, but it’s not framed as anything positive or beneficial, and The Weeknd’s voice is fantastic, as per usual. However, he did have a follow-up that was even better…

#4: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd (This Week: #2)

Probably the most universally beloved #1 hit in years, Blinding Lights is yet another 80s throwback hit, a trend that appears to be surviving into the 20s. The production courtesy of Pop megaproducer Max Martin is absolutely fantastic, and The Weeknd gives one of his best vocal performances to date. The lyrics are about his on and off relationship with model Bella Hadid, and how he’s not the same without her. While I do wish that it would’ve had more of a Rock edge (similar to this live performance), I shouldn’t be complaining about a song this great, and considering that the follow up single to this (In Your Eyes) is also great, I may just have to do a three way tie of Weeknd songs on my best list come December.

#3: Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa (This Week: #4)

As with Everything I Wanted, my detailed thoughts on this can be seen in the January ranking, but I was right in saying that I underranked this the first time around. Now, if we could also make Physical and Break My Heart hits too...

#2: Say So by Doja Cat (This Week: #8)

Ladies and gentlemen, the Get Lucky of 2020. If a delicious glass of lemonade by the pool was a song, this would be it. I’m a sucker for literally anything with a funky disco groove, and this is no exception. While the lyrics may be more than a little bit PG-13, Doja’s voice is so silky smooth that I don’t even notice it, and her Nicki Minaj impression on the second verse is blissful. Before any of you sound off in the comments, yes, I know that this was produced by Dr. Luke, and while I can understand if that would turn you off from this song, I wholeheartedly stand by the principle of separating the art from the artist (or the production from the producer in this case). I did put an R. Kelly song on my Best of 2001 list, after all, so while I do think that this should’ve been handed off to another producer, it’s still a fantastic Disco throwback as it is.

#1: Circles by Post Malone (This Week: #6)

Even after six months in the Top 10 and its appearance on three different Top 20 rankings of mine, Circles is still my #1. It’s almost too perfect for words, and while it’s ineligible to appear on my Best of 2020 ranking at the end of the year, I can assure you that it would be very high on said list if it were eligible. Posty, I have high expectations for you in the future, keep it up!

Next up, I take a look back at 1992, a truly fantastic year for popular music. I didn’t have enough songs to fill out a worst list, so I’ll be giving a quick recap of every song that got a ⅖ or below, followed by the many Honorable Mentions for the Top 15 Best Hit Songs of 1992. Yup, it’s a Top 15, because 10 songs wouldn’t do the year justice. Until then, stay well and have a good day.