Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017

Hey guys, welcome back for another one of my boring-ass Top 10 lists, this time taking a look at the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017. I was in my Le Wrong Generation phase in 2017, so I wasn’t listening to much pop music. Looking back at this year with 2020 hindsight (pun intended), I can tell you that me from 2017 wasn’t all that wrong, because the pop scene of 2017 was mediocre at best. While there weren’t many more terrible songs than in other years I’ve looked at, 2017 set the new high bar for songs I actively disliked (and the low bar for songs I would consider good). When combined with the torrent of mediocre music, this year received a total score of 242/445, or 54.4%, the lowest score I have awarded thus far. There’s no point in dragging this out, so let’s dive right into the crap, starting with the Dishonorable Mentions.

Dishonorable Mention: Caroline by Aminé (Peak: #11, Year-End: #60)

Starting off the dishonorable mentions, we have a song that isn’t terrible, but still manages to annoy me. I could see someone really getting into Aminé’s voice and flow, but it’s not really my thing. My real issue is in the production, which is a mix of farting synths, run-of-the-mill trap percussion and freaking cowbells. This was Aminé’s only hit, and from what this song provided, I honestly don’t mind him being a one hit wonder.

Dishonorable Mention: Rolex by Ayo & Teo (Peak: #20, Year-End: #61)

Speaking of one-hit wonders, these two Rae Sremmurd knockoffs never touched the Hot 100 again. Not that I’m complaining, though, because their only hit is an asinine flex anthem about wearing fancy jewelry, stealing YOUR girl (thank you, Spectrum Pulse) and driving luxury cars, as basic as you can get for brag rap. However, this was not the worst novelty song by a one-hit wonder duo, but we’ll get to that.

Dishonorable Mention: Swalla by Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign (Peak: #29, Year-End: #85)

The beat slaps and it’s catchy as all heck, but the lyrics make me wanna spit out whatever I’m eating. 

Dishonorable Mention: Congratulations by Post Malone ft. Quavo (Peak: #8, Year-End: #10)

Boy, am I glad that this guy decided to start making good music, because this song sucks. Despite being about his rise to the top of the music world, he sounds like the male version of Halsey, and the sludgy instrumentation certainly isn’t helping. Oh, and Quavo’s here, presumably because he can use the N-word, which he does. Posty, you’ve come a long way, thank you.

Dishonorable Mention: Fake Love by Drake (Peak: #8, Year-End: #37)

This is Drake, a man who has had more success than we plebs can ever imagine and who’s net worth is 150 Million dollars whining about how people don’t really like him. It’s so whiny and pathetic that it’s kinda funny, which saves it from being on the list proper. Hey, at least he never did anything like this aga- 

Drake: I’M UPSET!

Me: Oh, come on!

Dishonorable Mention: Issues by Julia Michaels (Peak: #11, Year-End: #29)

Man, this Julia Michaels song sure does exist, doesn’t it? The reason it came so close to making the list is simply because Julia Michaels is a really, REALLY bad singer. Like, she can barely hold a note. Other than that, it’s one of the most impressively boring songs I’ve ever heard. Now, let’s move on to the main event, the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017!

#10: Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato (Peak: #6, Year-End: #47)

Most of the songs on this list are going to be Hip-Hop songs, but that doesn’t mean that 2017 didn’t have bad Pop as well. While this is far from the worst Pop hit of 2017, Sorry Not Sorry is not a good song. Sean from Diamond Axe Studios (yeah, I’m gonna keep bringing him up) stated that the production was a bad attempt to find a middle ground between the explosive Club Pop of the Early 2010s and the lowkey “Ambient Pop” of the Late 2010s, and I’ve got to agree. Lyrically, it’s Demi telling off an ex-lover, and if you’ve read my Worst of 2001 list, you know that these types of songs can get real catty. This isn’t a good song, I’m sorry… not sorry (ba dum tss).

#9: Both by Gucci Mane ft. Drake (Peak: #41, Year-End: #83)

The first of many underwhelming Trap songs on the list, Both is your typical 3/10 song. The beat is kinda creepy but otherwise standard Late 2010s Trap, and the verses have nothing to do with the chorus. The chorus is about being drunk and high enough to talk about his vulnerability, but the verses are a mix of flexing and complaining about hoes. I’ve only typed three sentences and I’ve already ran out of material for this entry, which says more about the song than I ever could.

#8: Juju On That Beat by Two Random Twerps (Peak: #5, Year-End: #63)

You know how I said that Rolex wasn’t the worst novelty song by a one-hit wonder in 2017? Well, this is it right here. These two guys, Zay Hilfigerrr and Zayion McCall are such nobodies that I didn’t even bother to use their names in the title card, instead referring to them as Two Random Twerps. The beat is entirely taken from Knuck If You Buck, a Crunk song from 2004, just pitched up (to be fair, the twerps mention the song in the lyrics). Lyrically, it’s utterly meaningless, just a bunch of cliches that we’ve heard a million times before, with some stupid lines thrown in, such as “lego lego lego hey hey hey”, “if you compare me and you, there wouldn’t be no comparings” and, of course, “you ugly, you yo daddy’s son”. The twerps doing this have very little talent or personality, so it’s no surprise that they didn’t have another hit. Heck, I don’t even know if they have another song, and you know what, I’m fine with that.

#7a: T-Shirt by Migos (Peak: #19, Year-End: #52)

#7b: Slippery by Migos ft. Gucci Mane (Peak: #29, Year-End: #86)

Yep, here we have a tie. I do this whenever an artist would have two separate songs on the list, unless there are too few songs that could make the list or if one of them would be #1. However, neither of those are the case here, so let’s take a look at these two Migos songs, shall we?

Let’s start with T-Shirt. I’m not gonna mince words, the beat sounds like ass. It’s a mix of stale trap drums and farting synth sounds (hence why I said it sounded like ass). The guys from Migos use the most standard “chopping lettuce” flow, which makes the admittedly not too bad lyrics sound much dumber than they actually are.

Next up, we have Slippery, featuring Gucci Mane. The song begins with this creepy synth line, which plays in the background behind the generic trap beat. The lyrics are your standard lyrics about screwing girls, driving fancy cars and doing drugs. As with T-Shirt, the flows from Migos are the same that you’d hear on any other Mumble Rap song from 2017, and Gucci Mane sounds like he couldn’t care less. Songs can be bad not because of an abundance of negative qualities, but because of a lack of good qualities, and these two songs are some of the clearest examples of that I can think of. Moving on…

#6: Mi Gente by J Balvin and Willy William (Peak: #3, Year-End: #50)

Now, this is a song with negative qualities. I brought up the goat riff as one of the most annoying sounds I’d ever heard in a pop song when I thrashed Taki Taki on my Worst of 2019 list, but the problem with the song isn’t so much the goat as it is everything around it. The song starts off with the goat, which isn’t too bad, but then adds on the standard “dun-da-dun-da” Reggaeton beat, this weird chime sound after that, and then a full-on tsunami of noise in the drop. Obviously, being a white boy from the midwest, I don’t speak Spanish, but from the English translation I can tell that the lyrics are about uniting the world through song and partying (“Mi Gente” translates to “My People”), which is nice until you realize that the song they’re (it’s two people here) talking about is this. This song has billions of views on Youtube, so clearly a lot of people like it, but I am not one of them.

#5: Swang by Rae Sremmurd (Peak: #26, Year-End: #64)

Just because I complained about Ayo & Teo being Rae Sremmurd knockoffs doesn’t mean that the original Rae Sremmurd was doing much better. This is the first 0/5 song on the chopping block, and it doesn’t get this score because of personal disdain (whenever I try to get mad at it, I just end up laughing), but because it is one of the most objectively terrible songs that I’ve ever heard.

First, the lyrics are about as cliched as you can get, nothing but sex, drinking and spending lots of money. That sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Second, the production from Mike Will Made It underling P-Nazty is horrible. Now, I don’t hate Mike Will as a producer (the beat on Black Beatles is fire), but he does have a tendency to make beats that are simultaneously creepy and boring (see Love Me, one of the worst hits of 2013, and 23, which was #6 on my Worst of 2014 list), and P-Nasty definitely replicated that here. It’s nothing but a stock trap drum loop and a pitchy, farting synth.

However, neither the lyrics or production are the biggest problem with this song. No, that would be the delivery. Slim Jxmmi’s delivery is hilariously bad, but even he is not the problem. No, it all comes back to Swae Lee. Now, I don’t think that Swae is untalented, I did like Sunflower after all. However, he should ABSOLUTELY NOT TRY TO DO A FALSETTO! He may have the single worst falsetto that I’ve ever heard in my entire life, and yes, that does include Future on King’s Dead. Whenever I hear his falsetto, my reaction is a mix of cringing and laughing hysterically, wondering who in the nine hells (another Spectrum Pulse catchphrase) thought this disaster was a good idea. Rae Sremmurd, you’re OK, but this song suuuucks.

#4: Do Re Mi by Blackbear ft. Gucci Mane (Peak: #40, Year-End: #98)

Alright, ready for some Emo Rap? I’m ready, although that’s mainly because I want to tear this song to shreds. The beat is lazy, just loud bass and snaps, with a creepy ice cream truck chime in the chorus. Blackbear’s delivery is somehow both whiny and bored, and Gucci Mane is a non-presence, as per usual. The lyrics can basically be summarized by the phrase “begone, thot”, which isn’t something that I’m a fan of when it’s not done ironically. Oh, and you shouldn’t get me started on the music video, I cannot think of many music videos that I have a more reflexively negative reaction to. Why are we giving this guy a second hit, again?

#3: Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift (Peak: #1, Year-End: #39)

Oh man, where do I even begin? You know how I said that Sorry Not Sorry was far from the worst pop hit of 2017? Well, this is it right here. I've heard this compared to a bad Black Eyed Peas song from 2009 or 2010, and I definitely see where they’re coming from. The production is cluttered and messy, especially in the second half of the song, and Taylor’s bitchy delivery reminds me more than a little of Fergie at her worst. Oh, and how about those lyrics? It’s just T-Swizzle bitching about her haters, about how they made this poor little innocent girl play the role of the villain and how she wants nothing more than to get revenge on them. Yeah, let’s not forget about the infamous “the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now… because she’s dead” line, which not only is it cringy as all hell, but it turned out not to be the case, because the leadoff single to her next album was this. Really, every music reviewer on Youtube tore this to shreds back in 2017, so I don’t have a whole lot else to say about this disaster of a song, let’s just move on…

#2: Look At Me by XXXTentacion (Peak: #34, Year-End: #99)

This entry isn’t going to be fun. XXXTentacion was arguably the most influential figure in the Emo Rap scene of the Late 2010s, before being tragically murdered in June of 2018. However, his breakthrough hit, Look At Me is one of the ugliest songs that I have ever heard. It’s not as though I don’t understand the appeal of this, a raw burst of anger and frustration, but I’m sorry, it’s just not for me. The song begins with a creepy, distorted Indian(ish) riff, before the bass is cranked up to 11 once XXX begins rapping. It was intentionally mixed to sound different from other Hip-Hop tracks of the time, but it ended up sounding like those Earrape memes you see on Youtube. XXX spends the first verse rapping in a frustrated tone, before exploding in the second verse and shouting 6ix9ine-style, repeatedly screaming “LOOK AT ME, F**K ON ME!”. Thankfully, it only lasts for two minutes, which means that I get to move on from this screamfest rather quickly, so let’s do just that and move on to The Worst Hit Song of 2017…

You know how I built up to my favorite hit song of 2001 by asking you guys if you had a song that you love so much that you consider it to be part of your very identity? Well, the reverse can be true too. I hated this song when it came out in 2017, and even as my opinion of Trap Rap went from “I hate it” to “I don’t care enough to hate it”, my opinion of this song never improved, in fact it may have gotten even worse. This is a strong contender for my least favorite song of all time (not just hits, but songs in general), and it is without question The Worst Hit Song of 2017…

#1: Bodak Yellow by Cardi B (Peak: #1, Year-End: #24)

I don’t want to talk about this song. I don’t even want to think about this song, but alas, this is what I chose for a hobby, so I’ve gotta do this. 

Alright, let’s start with the beat. It’s a slightly more complex version of the beat from Only by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne and Chris Brown, but when you’re taking one of the laziest beats in Hip-Hop history, you’re still not gonna get very much out of it. You know what, at least Only had some hilariously bad lines like “I don’t duck nobody but tape” and “She was sittin’ down on that big butt, but I was still starin’ at the titties though”, which Bodak Yellow does not have. In a year full of cliches about sex, money, luxury items and dissing the haters, this may just be the most cliched of all of them. There is not one singular interesting or clever lyric in this entire four minute song. It’s just her bragging about how much guys want to screw her, how she used to be a stripper and how she doesn’t like haters.

How about her flow? Well, it’s taken from No Flockin’ by Kodak Black, and while I am by no means a fan of that song (or artist for that matter, Tunnel Vision was lucky to miss the dishonorable mentions), at least it sets a dark vibe. Cardi is just doing her standard street flow that she's done a million other times on other songs (Money for example), but she’s usually tolerable on those other songs (Money included). However, on this song, she hits just the right balance of obnoxiousness and boredom that makes me instantly hate it. My reaction to this song is a big, fat “UGHHHHH”.

Unfortunately, I have a feeling that I’ll be hearing this slog a fair deal over the next few decades, because even if Cardi B ends up flaming out, this is likely going to stick around as a “classic” of 2010s Hip-Hop. It hit #1 for three weeks, went 9x Platinum and was praised out the wazoo by critics on their Best of 2017 list for reasons that I’ll never understand. You know how I did a ranking of every #1 hit of the 2010s for Pulse? Well, this song was at the very bottom, and yes, I stand by it. It’s The Worst Hit Song of 2017, The Worst #1 Hit of the 2010s, and a song that I’ll never get the appeal of.

Whoo, that was a doozy. 2017 sure had a lot of crap to tear through. Fortunately, I can now move onto the stuff I liked from 2017, and while there isn’t as much as there was in some of the other years I’ve looked at, the good music of 2017 still means a lot to me. Come back in a few days for that list, hopefully I’ll see you there. Don’t catch the Coronavirus, and have a great day!