Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2014

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2014

For the third of these Year-End retrospectives, I decided to take a look at 2014. I’d already covered the first and last years of the 2010s, so I figured that I’d go right to the middle of the decade for my next ranking. I picked 2014 over 2015 because I have plans to cover another year that ends with 5 in the near future, so stay tuned for that one. Anyway, how was 2014?

Well, it was a year, I can say that much. The 89 songs that debuted on the 2014 Year-End Hot 100 tallied up a final score of 261/445, or 58.6%, nearly identical to that of 2019, which also had 89 eligible songs and had a score only a single point lower than that of 2014. However, 2014 and 2019 arrived at their shared destinations in quite different ways. While 2019’s hits tended more towards the middle, with not a whole lot standing out in either direction, 2014 had a wide variety of both quality and crap to pick from, as there were twice as many songs that I would call bad in 2014 as compared to 2019. So, without further ado, let’s dive right into the cesspool of 2014’s bad music, starting with the Dishonorable Mentions!

Dishonorable Mention: Loyal by Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne and Tyga (Peak: #9, Year-End: #30)

A song about enticing women to cheat on their boyfriends, then calling them disloyal once they do so. Wow, so chivalrous and such a good example for you fans. However, the beat is way too catchy for me to put this on the list proper, so into the DM’s it goes.

Dishonorable Mention: Anaconda by Nicki Minaj (Peak: #2, Year-End: #36)

A stupid, stupid ass song that I don’t have the heart to put on the list proper. Built off a sample of Baby Got Back, Nicki raps about her massive booty, and bashes skinny girls to boot (“f**k those skinny b****es in the club”). However, it is definitely a song that I find ironic enjoyment out of (not the last ass anthem in here that I enjoy ironically, spoiler alert), so I don’t have the heart to put in the Top 10. BTW, here is an intentionally pretentious look at one of the song’s lyrics from Reddit.

Dishonorable Mention: Don’t Tell ‘Em by Jeremih ft. YG (Peak: #6, Year-End: #42)

Interpolating Rhythm Is A Dancer, a Eurodance song from the Early 90s, Don’t Tell ‘Em is yet another song about luring a girl to cheat on her boyfriend, telling her not to tell him what they do. Really, everything I said about Loyal could apply here, so there’s no point going on further.

Dishonorable Mention: Lifestyle by Rich Gang ft. Young Thug and Rich Homie Quan (Peak: #16, Year-End: #72

Good Lord, I can’t believe that this missed the list. Young Thug famously sounds slurred and often incomprehensible, and the song features such brilliant lyricism as “Somethin' wrong with the pussy. Even though I ain't gon' hit it, I'ma still make sure that she douche it” and “N***as couldn't see me if they had a genie”. I kinda views this as a “so bad it’s good” song, and even with that said, the beat slaps hard, so I can’t even say that I dislike it, rather that I think it’s sloppily performed and stupidly written.

Dishonorable Mention: Dark Horse by Katy Perry ft. Juicy J (Peak: #1, Year-End: #2)

So, this is Katy Perry’s biggest hit, eh? While the admittedly solid buildup saves this from being on the list proper, everything else about this is NOT GOOD (explosion). The instrumental is this annoying pitch shifted thing, Katy sounds somewhat annoying, and Juicy J is totally half assing this, presumably for a paycheck (also, Jeffrey Dahmer).

Dishonorable Mention: Amnesia by 5 Seconds Of Summer (Peak: #16, Year-End: #86)

Hey There Delilah + a whiny Emo breakup song = Amnesia by 5SOS.

Dishonorable Mention: No Mediocre by T.I. ft. Iggy Azalea (Peak: #33, Year-End: #87)

It’s no secret that 2014 was a bad year for Hip Hop, and this has everything that made it such a terrible year for the genre. Dated production from DJ Mustard, stupid lyrics, an obsession with butts and Iggy Azalea. They did get one thing right, though, it is indeed not mediocre, it’s just bad.

Dishonorable Mention: Animals by Maroon 5 (Peak: #3, Year-End: #62)

This was my final cut from the list, as while it may be incredibly catchy, it’s also got some of the worst lyrics of the entire year, possibly even the entire 2010s decade. While I’m sure it was meant to be sexy, describing this woman as your prey is less sexy and more perverted. I think he’ll need a restraining order if he keeps this up. Now, onto the list itself.

#10: Wiggle by Jason Derulo ft. Snoop Dogg (Peak: #5, Year-End: #40)

Raise your hand if you saw this one coming. Widely known as one of the stupidest songs ever written, Wiggle does just about everything it can to be terrible, and it succeeds with flying colors. One of 2014’s many ass anthems, Wiggle may just be the definitive “so bad it’s good” song. The main instrumental hook of the song is a recorder that may have been played by a kindergartener, and as for the lyrics… I have no words for how hilariously bad some of these lines are. Patty cake with no hands? Your booty like two planets? How you fit that in them jeans? Go ahead and go ham sammich? I refuse to believe that this song was made as anything other than a joke, and there’s no way to take this song seriously. 

#9: Drunk In Love by Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z (Peak: #2, Year-End: #35)

Oh, I know that some people are not going to be happy with this one. My main problem with this song is that it’s way too dang long. The song clocks in at five and a half minutes long, and it wears out its welcome long before that. It also doesn’t help that Beyoncé is belting off beat for a good half of the song. It’s trying hard to be a sensual lovemaking jam, but it doesn’t have the groove to pull it off. I know that Beyoncé has a large and rabid fanbase (Beyhive), but I’m sorry, this just doesn’t appeal to me at all.

#8: Fancy by Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX (Peak: #1, Year-End: #4)

Hey, anyone remember when Iggy “The Female Vanilla Ice” Azalea was a thing? One of the most embarrassing #1 hits of the entire decade, Iggy (a white girl from Australia) tried to sell herself as a thug, and failed miserably at it. From the fake accent to the pretentious lyrics, she’s trying so very hard to be badass, but instead comes across as a total poser. The song is chalk full of hilariously phony lyrics such as “First thang first, I'm the realest”, “I’m still in the murder business” and “my flow retarded”. Charli XCX’s hook manages to somehow be both infectiously catchy and intolerably annoying. The production sounds like something DJ Mustard would have put out in 2014, and it really hasn’t aged well. It’s an embarrassment of a song, and Iggy Azalea has 100% deserved her status as a punchline.

Also, I suspect that the lyrics “I’m in the fast lane from LA to Tokyo” and “Let’s get drunk at the minibar’ would mean that Iggy and Charli are getting Drunk On A Plane, which may or may not be a last minute addition to the Honorable Mentions for my best list.

#7: My N***a by YG ft. Jeezy and Rich Homie Quan (Peak: #19, Year-End: #58)

Wanna know how many times this song uses the N-Word?

127 Times.

Yep, this song uses that word 127 times, or once every 1.8 seconds. I had to look at the lyrics and make a chart in order to figure out how many times that word was used in this song. However, it’s extremely profane lyrics is far from the only reason this makes the list. The production is your typical Mid 2010s DJ Mustard stuff, which really hasn’t aged well, and Rich Homie Quan sounds drunk. I can’t hear this song without cracking up, but that doesn’t make it any less awful.

#6: 23 by Mike WiLL Made-It ft. Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J (Peak: #11, Year-End: #90)

This is a song where Miley Cyrus tries to rap, moving on.

Ok, there’s more to why this song sucks than just that. I’ve ragged a lot on DJ Mustard in this post, but Mike WiLL Made-It was just as bad a producer in 2013 and 2014 as Mustard was (both have improved substantially since then), and this isn’t even the worst song he produced back then (that’s Bitches Love Me, spoilers for 2013). However, just because it’s not the worst thing ever doesn’t make it any good, and 23 is just an embarrassment. Officially a tribute to Michael Jordan (hence the title, 23), the production has this creepy alarm sound playing in the background, with dated, Will.I.Am esque pitch shifted vocals on the hook. The lyrics are just your typical flexing about being high in the club (even though the Club Boom was long gone by that point) and wearing expensive clothing and shoes. Miley’s rapping is embarrassing, and both Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J aren’t putting in any effort. It’s just a lame, lazy song that has mostly been forgotten in the six years since it came out (then again, maybe not, the music video has 860,000,000 views as of the time I’m writing this).

#5: Partition by Beyoncé (Peak: #23, Year-End: #95)

Looks like I’m pissing off the Beyhive yet again. However, I feel no shame in bashing this song, because it sucks. Beyonce’s vocals in the verses are quite annoying, and the grating synth line in the background sure as heck doesn’t help. While I’ll be the first to admit that the hook isn’t too bad, the low points sink this all the way down into the bottom five.

#4: 2 On by Tinashe ft. Schoolboy Q (Peak: #24, Year-End: #65)

Another crappy Hip-Hop/R&B song from 2014 bites the dust. Tinashe, while not a bad singer by any means, is basically a less interesting Ariana Grande, but that’s not where the Problem lies (see what I did there?). Neither is it in the lyrics, which are your generic club partying lyrics typical of the first half of the 2010s (with some quite vulgar and frankly gross descriptions in Schoolboy Q’s verse). No, the real issue lies in the production, which is comprised of loud snaps, dated synths and gang vocals. Any guesses as to who produced this? If you guessed DJ Mustard, than you would be correct, and you know what, this isn’t even the worst song he produced in 2014. So, what could be that song?

#3: Na Na by Trey Songz (Peak: #21, Year-End: #53)

We’re now getting to the truly atrocious songs now, and to start off our podium of terribleness, we have Na Na by Trey Songz. Lyrically, this is just your typical strip club anthem, and while that definitely doesn’t appeal to me, it’s not something that would automatically sink a song either. No, what does sink this into the 1/10 category for me is the creepy, unsettling production and the schoolground taunt that is the title and much of the hook. This was the worst of DJ Mustard’s production work in 2014, and while it’s not the worst song of the year, it’s definitely something I would be better off never hearing again.

#2: Hot N***a by Bobby Shmurda (Peak: #6, Year-End: #54)

And on the subject of creepy and unsettling production, we have Hot N***a by Bobby Shmurda. Sean from Diamond Axe Studios (my biggest influence when it comes to these rankings) called this the only song that actively scares him based on its sound alone, and while I wouldn’t go that far, I definitely see where he’s coming from. The production has this unsettling alarm sound that plays throughout the entire sound, and the lyrics most certainly don’t help. There have been many rap songs about commiting crimes, but I’d assume that it’s been an act for most rappers. However, it most certainly wasn’t an act for Bobby Shmurda, who was arrested on charges of murder conspiracies and illegal possession of firearms. He was later sentenced to seven years in prison in 2016, although it was later shortened to five years. It’s basically another Murder On My Mind situation, but with some incredibly unpleasant production to boot. However, this isn’t the worst song of the year, which brings us to our #1…

So, my #1 pick may come as a surprise, as I haven’t seen it appear on any other Worst of 2014 lists, which I find strange, as from the first second I heard it, I knew that it was not only going to be on my worst list, but that it would likely top it, and sure enough…

#1: Studio by Schoolboy Q (Peak: #38, Year-End: #96)

Ooh boy, where to begin? The lyrics aren’t actually all that bad, expressing Schoolboy’s longing for his girl while he’s busy recording music (with some stupid lines like “put that pussy on the map” thrown in there for some reason). However, you might need to get a better producer, because this is some of the most intolerably grating production that I have ever heard in my entire life, and it is the sole reason that it tops this list. It’s comprised of this creepy synth line, obnoxiously loud trap snaps and this chipmunk vocal, all of which is mixed insufferably loud. It wore out it’s welcome pretty much immediately, so listening to it for four and a half minutes is a chore to say the least. The quickest way to strike out for me is grating production, and this struck out right off the bat. This song physically hurts to listen to, and really, that’s all I need to say. Studio by Schoolboy Q, The Worst Hit Song of 2014. I’ll have the best list up soon, and until then, have a great day.